He keeps me in stitches....

Psalm 139: 13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I love to crochet. I've been taught a simple chain a couple of times years ago but never really kicked it in gear until recently. Now, I've been having a ton of fun with it. New projects. Something to "do" while I'm watching TV in the evenings so I don't feel so "useless". When I'm not home crocheting or putting together pieces, I'm at work, taking people apart and helping to put them back together again. Just a perk of working for a surgeon. I never ceased to be amazed by the wonders and miracles that had to be involved with creating our bodies. All the intricate details. It's not just organs and glands and bones... it's connective tissues that overly each item, multiple layers, suspending them in place against gravity, against the mess we put our bodies through. The "spark" that starts our heart. There is no "reason" for it, it just "starts", all on it's own. God knew how we would develop. He put every piece in place. He wrote the code for our DNA. So why do we ever doubt him?

I was reading blogs when I found a great cause today. It's the Special Olympics Scarf Project. I'm excited about this one. I think I'm going to spend the next couple of months working on some very special scarves and send them out there... if you are into crochet (or even knit), please send me a picture of some of your work! I'm totally interested. Hope you join me in the Special Olympics Scarf Project!!

Home

I've struggled over the last few years with the concept of "Home". I love the town I grew up in. I love the scenery, the seasons, the places and of course the people that are related to it. Mountains, cool breezes, perfect views and peaceful rivers, my family and old friends. I left all that a few years ago to come out to "the flat land" and go to school. I really feel like during school is really when I found myself. I found more of me here, in this place, than anywhere else I had been. When I finished school, I prayed and prayed and prayed and felt that I should stay here and look for a job. Even though I felt more "me" here, I still called "Home" my mountain home. I did the right thing to stay here. God has been very faithful to me here and I even met my husband at my first job here in town. Then I got married and I call two places "home"... I figured one is wherever my husband is and one is my mountain family home.

Over the weekend I travelled home (to my mom's) for a family function with a friend. It's my favorite time of year there. Fall! Nice cool breezes, you can wear your t-shirt and jeans and be comfortable. There are apples and leaves starting to change colors. It hit me that I really missed there sometimes. I was very content on Sunday afternoon to just sit and be in Mama's living room while everyone was out for a drive. I had a moment I don't get very often anymore, even in Greenville, an hour alone in the house.

My mind had been unsettled in the week before I came to visit. I had it on my heart to do a Bible study at a local half way house. After fighting the urge for at least 2 months, I had gone to visit the house and the girls before I was to start the study there this week. I felt miserable. When I left there, I felt so discouraged. I felt like a pompous, overzealous, hypocrite...."the whitest white girl ever" is one way to put it. No, the girls were not all different races, the majority were white like me, but I just felt out of my zone, out of place. I had walked in in my work clothes (professional attire) and carrying my Vera Bradley bag. Did it matter at that point that I bought my Vera in a "retirement sale" for 40% off? Not really... all I felt in my heart is that I was rubbing in their faces that I had enough money for a Vera. I felt my confidence (in me, personally and also in my "call" to be there) starting to drift. I was starting to doubt. I started to wonder what in the world I was going to have in common with these women and why they would EVER listen to me. It was a tough week and I'm not the best at making extra time to pray for things. I was disappointed when my own Bible study that I attend, which was scheduled for a prayer night, had to cancel. So, to find a free hour, alone in my mom's house to ask God why I felt such unease in the halfway house was a true blessing.

I asked, "Why am I there, Lord? What purpose do you have for me there? It definitely wasn't comfortable. How am I going to get comfortable?" God never ceases to amaze me.... as much as I continued to try and ask questions, the louder I heard in my head a worship song I truly love. It was overwhelming, so eventually, I started to hum the song and sing it in my head, recalling the words....

"Into your courts I run with praises flowing from my heart, every day I live to sing your song, it's the anthem of my life. I want to spend my days in your presence Lord and bow before your throne. In the house of God is where I find my peace, it's where I find my...HOME is heaven, one day Lord I will live. In your courts, you'll find me, in worship at your feet. Hide me now, in the shadows of your wings, where I will be...where I will be.." (Thank you Marty Sampson and Hillsong!)

I just sat there and basked in the glory... I felt the presence of God and it was all I could do to not come undone... what a sweet moment. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to serve you. It doesn't matter where I go. If God goes with me, it may as well be Home. I can have that same peace I had in my mama's living room at the halfway house if I look for God there and stop looking for "me" there. It's not what I'm going to do there. It's what God is trying to do there. I hope I can always remember to look for God, but, knowing the my nature, I'll have to learn this lesson again.

something old, something new...

I love Barnes and Noble. When I was a student in my professional program, I studied there all the time. I would take in my books and some music (with ear phones of course) and study all day sometimes. Now that I'm working, I don't get there as much as I used to. I usually just go in when I'm looking for a book to research something that has hit me as interesting. This week, I stopped in to find a peaceful corner to finish my Bible study. We go there to read up on something while our partners read periodicals or the kids are perusing books in the book section. Sometimes we go there seeking a specific purpose, other times just to browse and see if anything strikes us. I can think of a time that I read an entire book there so I didn't have to buy it for class. I even studied for the GRE from a review book at B&N while I was there one afternoon. (Thank you, Kaplan review book, for the score that got me in!) This week I just perused books on crochet and home design when I finished my study. I started conversations with a lady sitting near me in comfy chairs. I enjoyed my time there, very relaxing.

What did we do in town before there was Barnes and Noble booksellers? Where did we go to find information and do some quick research? Where could we find a world of information in one location? You know, it was called "The Library". What is the difference in B&N and the Library? The library is a little more quiet. There are no beverages from Starbuck's at the Library. Barnes and Noble is always cold. There's actually a lot of noise to cut through at B&N to study (blenders, espresso makers, coffee presses, overhead speakers, conversations). The books at the Library can be truly borrowed and not purchased. But when it comes right down to it: It's the same old information (books books books....words, thoughts, ideas) but in a new wrapping.

Have you noticed how they do that with Bibles these days? It's not just the plain old black, brown or burgundy leather choices of old. You can get updated text versions boasting "easier to understand" wording. You can get cool covers. I saw pink, suede, metal cased, clasped, purse sized, large print, and multiple devotional Bibles. It's the same old information, just in a new wrapper. If you wanna get anything out of it, you still have to open it and dig deep. You can't expect it to just open up for you and the words jump off the page.

I think we do that with a lot of things these days. Church.... if you don't like the one you're at because it's too "old fashioned", you change to one in a new wrapper... more contemporary, must make it more Holy, right? But the message is the same. You won't find God in a house of worship unless you open your heart and seek him there. If you go in looking for your friends or a comfort zone instead of God, you'll still be distracted, disappointed and unfulfilled. You can walk in and out of either one and never really know God if you are not actively seeking him yourself on a daily basis.

Praise and Worship.... The music gets more upbeat, more engaging, more invigorating, more contemporary and hymns seem forgotten. In reality, it's just the same old information just in a new wrapper. Take the hymn "Just as I Am" (one stanza): Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me and that thou bidst me come to thee, O Lamb of God I come, I come." The guy who wrote that song, he's just a sinner like everyone else and he admits it. He says, "I'm not perfect, I didn't ask you to die for me, but you did. And because you did, even when I was a sinner, I come to you Lord, I owe you my all". Or, the hymn "At the Cross": "At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light and the burdens of my heart rolled away. It was there by faith I received my sight and now I am happy all the day" vs. the contemporary Hillsong's "Lead me to the Cross": "Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss. Lead me to the cross, where your love poured out, bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down. Rid me of myself, I belong to you, oh lead me... lead me to the cross". Not so different in the message. Some people say the newer songs "stir the emotions" more, others say the old hymns are stiff and unappealing. Some people say the hymns are "dead words", other's say that the contemporary songs are blasphemous or an abomination. It's just something to argue about, to divide us more. But, honestly, if you don't come before God with a heart prepared for worship (surrendered to him, open, loving, accepting) then no matter how "stirring" the worship, you won't find the intimacy you are seeking. You can find intimate worship anywhere, no matter what wrapper it's in. I love music, I love praise and worship, but in the last few months, I've realized more than ever that I can find that anywhere... even in the breeze in the trees seen while sitting on my granny's carport, the sound of Henry's laugh or the look on all our faces when we see him take steps, or when Robbie does something sweet (like the dishes, haha). These are things that bring glory to God. So, my heart jumps for joy and I feel the love of God all around me and I thank him for his abundant grace and kindness to me, to us, even though I didn't ask for it, he just gave it, just as I am. That, is praise.

So, don't forget the Library. There's a lot of information to be found there. There's no use in talking bad about it or acting as if you've never been to it. And don't let the new wrapper fool you, B&N is essentially a contemporary library. But no matter which place you choose to call your information station, you'll still have to search out the section you are looking for and search through books that aren't in alphabetical order (even when are supposed to be) to find what you're looking for. A bookseller or the librarian may be able to take you to the section, but they can't read the book for you and, unfortunately, the information won't seep through by osmosis. Happy reading. Can't wait to hear what y'all find out!! :D

are you under house arrest?

I have a confession to make: blogging has not been the only "Holy Spirit urging" I have felt lately. During a recent Bible study with a group of wonderful women, I began to feel the urging to take a Bible study to a local half way house. The study we were doing is about healing, restoring, reconciliation. A message we all need to hear in our path to spiritual maturing. I have hesitated. I have tried to rationalize reasons to not go. I have even heard a little voice that says, "They won't hear what you have to say." But I've also had some reassuring moments, including a message I heard recently at church.

We went out to Black Jack a couple weeks ago and the pastor usually starts his message with some joke or colloquialism to get us all engaged in the message. This particular joke was about a man applying for job. The employer asked him about any crimes he may have committed and he ashamedly said he had some things on his record. The employer asked in return, "Well, just how many felonies do you have?" To this the applicant replied, almost excitedly, "Oh, oh no, I don't have any felonies, only misdemeanors." The pastor went on to deliver a really great message about sin. It definitely sparked ideas in my mind and it definitely was a conversation stirrer not only in our truck on the way to lunch, but also with the couple we were dining with. We ALL have sins. We ALL have things in our lives we are not the most content with from our past. We ALL have things we think we have buried sufficiently. But there is none of us better than another. "There is no difference,for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." (Romans 3:22-23). But the good news is that we "are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:24). Paul has a way of being wordy, so I want to paraphrase v. 24 if that's okay: We are all made right before God because of Christ's sacrifice for our life. He makes us ALL worthy of his redeeming love, no matter how deeply embedded our sin is, how "big" we think it is, or the length of time we've had it/done it. That's the "good news" of the gospel in a nutshell.

In my daily readings, I had recently come across a verse that went along with this. I was reading in Acts were the disciples had been jailed for preaching and, particularly, healing, in the temple courts. They were falsely accused of heresy or blasphemy (essentially going against the Jewish church). Here is the account:
Acts 5:17-20

Then the high priest and all his associates, who were members of the party of the Sadducees, were filled with jealousy. They arrested the apostles and put them in the public jail. But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the doors of the jail and brought them out. "Go, stand in the temple courts," he said, "and tell the people the full message of this new life."

I want to focus on v. 20 (the one in bold). As these men are leaving jail, they are given a message to go and tell! But look at the message. The message is a message of new life! The most important detail of the testimony is not "God sent an angel to free me from prison", rather it is "You can have freedom from the lies of this world through Jesus Christ!"

When we chose to repent (admit we have sin, tell God we're sorry for what we've done and begin to live our life without that sin anymore) our lives can truly be lives of freedom. We are no longer held back by the shackles that formerly held us down: lies, hurtful actions towards those around us, bitterness, envy. Some of us may feel guilty for our crimes. Some of us may feel like we haven't done anything that bad. Some of us may pretend we've never done anything that bad but have the biggest lie of our life buried inside. We may put on masks to be accepted, we may let all our sins show boldly to see if we can get the attention of someone out there. You can lie to yourself. You can lie to God, but he knows it is a lie. He knows you better than you know yourself. King David says in Psalms:

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
(Psalm 139:1-4)

Whether you tell God or not, He is listening, watching, and hurting. He is waiting on you to tell the truth. You're going to have to come to court and stand before the ultimate judge. Don't worry, none of us have a lawyer on the level of what we need in His court, so a lawyer has been appointed for us, his name is Jesus. He has a way of getting God to go easy on us, a full pardon for our sins. We can walk freely from the courtroom and "tell the full message of this new life". What's stopping you from confessing your sin? What's stopping you from making choices to save your life? Why are you living under house arrest when you could be dancing freely in the streets sharing his message of new life? The keys are right in front of you, but you have to choose to 1. pick them up (take Christ into your heart as a possession) and 2. use them (unlock the door to your past and move forward!).