things I'm thankful for...

At church last Sunday, the pastor gave his Thanksgiving sermon... he used a passage from Deuteronomy that got me thinking... He preached on Deut 8: 7-10, I'm gonna use Deut 8:7-14. Here is what I heard/how I interpret these scripture (please, for the "real deal" on these, click the link for the verses and see how you would take them).

My take on Deut 8:7-14
"The Lord your God has brought you through a heck of a lot and now he has brought you to a good place. A place of peace, rest, plenty. You will have everything you need here and will have no use for 'want'. When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the blessings and goodness he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord you God, failing to follow his commands, walking in his ways as are described in his Word. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied and build fine houses and settle down and you have plenty of money and all you have is multiplied, then your hear will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God who brought you out of your slavery..."

What a love smack! I totally needed that. When I think about the Lord and where he has brought me from, I am amazed. I don't mean poverty wise or anything like that. I had all I needed growing up. I mean the dark valleys and the slavery that I found myself in, many times through my personal choices... choices that were usually made out of my "want". For example, there was a time when I didn't think being single was good enough, so I went seeking a relationship anywhere I could find it. Of course they all failed. Of course I was disappointed. But why? I already had all that I would need. God was there for me, he was teaching me lessons in how to trust him, lean on him. He knew that when I met Robbie and we got married that within our marriage Robbie could not be my "everything", that I would still need to come to him for guidance, so he taught me that while I was single.

If we apply this to America in general, especially in our current financial state, we can make another example. It wasn't/isn't good enough to live within the means of what we had... smaller houses with low payments, cars that are paid for, jobs that pay decently. Instead, out of our "want" we take loans bigger than we can afford, inflate the prices of our homes, and buy new or newer cars consistently. We end up indebted to others out of our "want" or a sense of "need" created by envy or what we see others have around us. I think a perfect example of this is when people come visit our house. We have a 3 bed room house with an unfinished bonus room. Robbie has an office here that is in one of the bed rooms. Many times, when people come to visit, including some family members, they say, "Well, you'll need a bigger house when you have kids." For one, how many kids do they think we'll have? I mean, I'm 31. and for two, are you kidding? Our parents raised 2 kids in 3 bedroom houses and we turned out fine. (We'll still have 3 BR if we finish the bonus room). We have all the room that we need. God has provided for us. And if he somehow provides us with more than 2 kids, then I'm sure he'll provide us with another home. One within our means.

So, enough rambling. I am very very thankful this Thanksgiving. We have a home, vehicles that run, a large meal to eat today (and then more this weekend), we'll have a Christmas tree. Robbie doesn't have another job/contract yet, but I know God will provide. Our Christmas may be "skimpy" this year, but these holidays are not about monetary gifts or trivial items to spend money on. The greatest gifts we'll get over these holidays are gifts of time with our family and loved ones. Quality, not quantity. We're all healthy, and we have each other. If God sent his son here as an example of Love, then we should extend that love to those around us. Here's a good list of things to be thankful for this holiday and to ponder coming into the Christmas season:

Isaiah 9

Unto Us a Child Is Born

1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan-

2 The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

3 You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder.

4 For as in the day of Midian's defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.

5 Every warrior's boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.

6 For unto us a child is born,
unto us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful,
Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.

7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.

Without these words... this prophecy... and it's completion, I would have no knowledge of true Love and it's meaning in my life.. no way of understanding the full measure of grace or mercy... no way of knowing what it truly means to be humble or Thankful.

Lord, help us not forget the source of our blessings...

stuck in my genes

Disclaimer: this is a very personal blog and I am feeling kinda vulnerable with this one, so bear with me, even the length.

I was feeling fat, miserable and tired over the past weekend after doing some shopping with my mom and eating at the Olive Garden. When I got home, I desperately wanted nothing more than to get out of my jeans and into my PJ's! But, nonetheless, I was trying to go to fast and I got my jeans stuck down around my feet. I couldn't get them off. I was laughing to myself about this situation and I thought, "Yep, here I am, stuck in my jeans."

I go through these moments, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, of feeling bad about myself. Not who I am deep down, but who I am on the outside and how the 2 match up. I struggle with my weight. I have struggled with it pretty much my entire life. When I think about dieting and such, I always think of my Grandma Ruth who seemed to be eternally on Weight Watchers and I think, "Well, it's just my genes."

You know what, I'm tired of being stuck in my GENES. My dad yo-yo's weight, my mom, stepmom, sister.... me? I'm just big and stay big. But either way, I'm still stuck in my ways. Bad habits that don't ever seem to change. I think about it sometimes when I'm on the way to the halfway house to lead the women in a recovery home for addictions how they must feel when they look at me... clearly addicted myself and stuck in a habit/comfort that I have no true desire to escape from. If I had a true desire, then I would have changed it by now.

Here is my crazy internal dialogue: "I want to lose 60 lbs (well, 80 after going to the doctor this week and facing his scales).. I'm going to start on Monday morning by getting up early before work to go for a brisk walk... 60 lbs is a lot, maybe I should just try 30... But it's so much work to take weight off... I could do it if someone would do it with me... maybe if I joined a gym?... today is just too busy to go for a walk... i can do it on Monday, but Tuesday I have conference at 7a.m. and then a full day of clinic/charts... have you felt the temperature outside at 5:30A?... it's even getting cooler/darker early in the evening... Harley (big neighborhood dog) lives down there, I had better cut that walk short to avoid him... I'll just do a video in the house... what if Robbie sees me?... Who has $40/month for Weight Watchers and $30 a month for a gym membership?... I just feel silly..."

But outside, I just look silly. Inside, I feel confident and tough in most situations, most days. When I think of how I look (even when I dream) I don't see the "fat" me. I only see "me". I've done this for 31 years (probably 21 of which I have been aware of my weight/appearance). Now I'm married and we're thinking about having kids. I don't want to worry about diabetes or living long enough to see my kids graduate from high school. I don't want to pack on 50 lbs of pregnancy weight and have no idea what to do with it. Chinese food can not be good for pregnant people.... just one more thing to give up when the time comes. I don't want my kids to pick up the same habits that I have taken upon myself. It's a curse that I don't want them to ever know or battle.
Exodus 34:5-9

Then the Lord came down in a cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance."

Frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm ready to break my curse. It's a sin of gluttony and laziness I have wrapped around myself for years. Please, Lord, forgive me for my ignorance, for ignoring my own addictions, for using food to comfort me when YOU ALONE are my comfort. You keep telling me, "My grace is suffient for you" and maybe now I'm just catching on! Help me to recognize the bad patterns and habits in my life and give me the strength to overpower them. Help me to find YOU as the easiest choice/place to go when I have issues. Praise you Lord, for your infinite wisdom and power. You have me in the palm of your hand, Lord. Help me never to forget that you are with me.

I am asking/praying publicly for God's support. That's all it takes. His part will be taken care of. He will be there for me. I wholeheartedly believe that. But, I don't want to let him down. It's a 2 way street. He will be there for me, but I have to make the choices to reach out for him and not brownies. Maybe with your help/support, knowing you guys are reading and watching me, I can stay accountable and really follow through. It will be hard with the holidays coming (I mean, have you eaten at my Mom's house? Mama can COOK! There are endless goodies when I go to family's houses, not to mention Robbie's mom!). But I want a change. I need a change. There is no pill that can help (before you fight me on this, it might help for a few months, but unless I change my ways, I'll gain it back and then some). There is no person that can change me. There is no product I can buy that will clean me up like a virus scan and take out all the bugs. The only thing I can do is vow to make a change and follow through. The only way I can do that is with God on my side, some very earnest prayer and some awesome prayer partners to help me in this battle!!!

Mary, the mother of Jesus, in her "magnificat" says about the nature of God, "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on, generations will call me blessed, for the mighty one has done great things for me--holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation." (Luke 1: 46-50) If I can get this under control with the help of God, break this nasty tradition of sorts, then I can share that mercy with my children and hopefully they could take it to their children.

I can't be the only one dealing with my "genes". What pattern are you stuck in? Unhealthy lifestyle like me? Unhealthy relationships? Unhealthy med uses? Misuses of alcohol or using cigarettes to sway your anxiety? Food, drugs, sex, false intimacy, alcohol, cigarettes, TV addiction, movies/fantasies... none of them will make you feel better. If you want a true change, cry out to God. He alone is the breaker of generational issues. The only one who can restore you back to who you are on the inside.
Psalm 145: 2-7

Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

Click here to read all of Psalm 145 (I highly recommend it) Thank you (in advance) for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted on how things go.

Decision 2008

Now that the election is over, I have a grumble I want to bring up: voting a "straight ticket".... You know, filling in the circle for your presidential choice and one other box, the one for your party. All the other circles are automatically filled in for you. I have heard of this practice before. I have seen it demonstrated to the people in line to vote in the form of a "sample" ballot. And, this year, I even heard a woman behind me in line telling her daughter how to vote. "You check the box next to your choice for president and then you check the box next to the ______ party. Then hand it in."

I have a problem with straight party voting. I also have a problem with someone telling another person, especially their adult child, how they are "expected" to vote. We all have a choice to vote and how to do it. It's a personal decision (one I haven't even shared with my husband). In my opinion, voting a straight ticket is like saying only the presidential vote matters or that you only care about "your party". But there may be people within the party you may never agree with in a hundred years. It's like "un-informed voting". You know nothing about them except they are in "the party" you think you support.

There are many people out there who do this with their faith, too. There are many people out there (I used to do this, too) who claim to be a Christian and say, "I vote my morals" or "I have my morals" but they really are uninformed or misinformed about the true nature of Christ and you surely can't see much of God in them. They aren't really sure what the party stands for at all, they just think they do or want others to think they do. If they don't know the foundation of their faith/"morals", then how can they be sure they truly could stand behind their faith when it really counts? If you have only been a "Christian" because your mama and daddy and granddaddy and great-granddaddy were, then you are missing out and mis-informed.

There are some very important foundational issues you really should learn about and make sure you agree with them. There is one great thing about voting on the Christian Ticket. You can get real answers from the candidate himself...personally. He'll come to you wherever you are because you are that important to him. See Jeremiah 33:3--"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things which you do not know". These are answers that have stood the test of time. The answers never change from one situation to the next. It is an everlasting truth and you can find it for yourself in almost every library or bookstore or hotel room. If you want to know more about Christ or the character of God... a person you can truly put your confidence in to run your everyday life, then open a Bible and take it in. If you want to boost your knowledge base, pray for him to reveal himself to you. Pray for those around you. Pray for your nation. Do his works/service in your community. He can use his Word, other people and circumstances to reveal himself. You can get a new dose of him everyday.... new encouragement, life lessons, strength, comfort, new insights, compassion, grace, forgiveness, restoration, rest.. and the list goes on and on and on. Either way, this could be your Decision 2008 that makes biggest headline in your personal history, and you don't have to be 18 to be eligible to vote.

So, there's my election soap box. Hope it isn't too offensive. I would love to hear your comments/thoughts. I would love to discuss foundations or help answer questions if you are reading this blog and don't know where to start.