Clearing It Up

Moving on...

2010-02-14T20:57:00.001-05:00

hey yall!! just wanted you to know that the Clearing it Up blog has merged with my Comings and Goings blog and can now be found at www.robbieandkim.com Please check it out!

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving!

2009-10-20T19:51:00.004-04:00

"The body thrives when it's heart has a purpose." Thanks "Heroes" for the line that got me started blogging tonight after weeks/months of silence. How true is this statement? In my work, I see patients every day. Some are happy, some are thriving, some..... are not. For many, especially the elderly, it's like their fire is flickering...smoldering, but they've lost sight of something, or all hope in anything. It's sad when you see it. They lose their desires to even see the sunshine or talk to friends. If you're like me, you try and remind them of the things they like to do or people they like to see. But, if you can put a purpose back in there, they perk up in the meantime til I see them again. Think about it. Surely you've seen the face of a sweet old lady that just found out they're gonna have a new grandchild or great-grandchild. It just makes their day!! Even telling them about our upcoming family addition and explaining I'll be on maternity leave next time they come in makes them light up for a minute. It's really cute.

But this principle is true spiritually, too. Lately, I've been contemplating what to do about this Bible study I help with at a halfway house. In a way I feel like I should leave. In other ways, I feel like I should stay, like I would miss something if I stopped going. For the last few visits there, I have felt like it was a struggle to go...or even to remember it was my week to go. I didn't feel like I was much use to the girls. I didn't even want to prepare for the study. My body wasn't thriving. It wasn't my purpose to push myself to keep going. It was time to come out. After a lot of prayer and struggling, I finally asked God on 2 occasions to make a way for me to come out of the study without hurting anyone's feelings or putting anyone in a tight spot. The first time, the director of the house was there when I got there so all I had to do was talk to her.... but, one of the girls who had left the house was back and I had missed her so much, prayed and hoped for her to come back so much, and there she was! How could I leave when she had just come "home"? I missed my next visit there due to illness. Then, this week, I did the same thing. I prayed and prayed in my morning quiet time about what to do.... and then, later in the day, there was the director again. This time, it was just me and her. I knew then that God had been giving me what I asked for the first time, but I chose to ignore it!! Now was my time to act!

Nonetheless, I did speak with her and since then, I have felt so free again. Free spiritually. Like a weight was lifted off my shoulders that was no longer mine to carry. Very nice. I am a child of God, therefore I know I have a purpose in his kingdom. The number one purpose is to glorify God, as vague as that sounds. Everything else is just a detail. So, I'll keep praying and figure out the next direction he'd have me to go. I hope you guys get a chance to find your purpose as well!!

God's Chisel

2009-09-13T18:07:00.005-04:00

Whatever it takes, whatever it takes, whatever it takes.... I will wait for you, Lord. It is only by waiting and your response to my search for you that chains are broken, lives are healed, eyes are opened and you are revealed. Thank you, Lord.

Have you been sent?

2009-08-12T21:05:00.001-04:00

There's a lot going on in my life these days. There are a lot of things to be thankful for and a lot of things I just don't understand. We all know those mixed blessings. Not just bittersweet circumstances in our own lives, but times when we are overjoyed with our personal lives, but there are significant factors playing in those around us. Our family is in one of those spots. I'm so hurt and frustrated with a family member that I don't even know where to begin and I'm afraid that all this callousness I am developing will hurt my relationship with God. Can how we interact with others on an earthly/personal level affect our spiritual lives? I absolutely believe that. There's an old testament passage that says if we have problems with our "brother" we should go mend things with him before we bother to offer our sacrifices to God so our sacrifice won't be tainted.

I just don't know what to do. Have you ever gotten so frustrated, so tired of talking to what/someone who seems like a WALL?? That's where I am with this person. I'm tired of the battle. I'm frustrated, confused.... weary. I've been working my way through Romans in my devotional readings the past few weeks. Sometimes I feel like I do this out of rote instead of piousness but God can and does still meet me there. He taught me an interesting lesson this week. I'm in Romans 10. Many people know this chapter as part of the "Roman's Road" based off this passage:

Romans 10:8-13
But what does it say? "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart," that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: ⁹That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. ¹¹As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."¹²For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, ¹³for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

I found myself thinking, "Oh, if only my family member could get this. If only they would hear it and give God a chance." If only.... then, I read the next verses and this is the lesson God has taught me today.

Romans 10:14-15
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

It is not my job to make my family member believe. It is my job, however, to pray for them to HEAR the words. For someone to come to them and preach the gospel to them (not "judge" them). For someone to be sent. This person may or may not be me. And, it is my job, as a believer, to share with her as doors open, to encourage her. Not to tear her down like I want to when she hurts me. There will be a lot of area to mend here if this person is me, because I'm human, but what else can I do but pray? God is just. His will prevails.

The Kingdom of God

2009-06-28T08:10:00.006-04:00

This is the way of the kingdom of God, this is the way of the kingdom of God.....

Well, I'm singing it, but you may not know this little song. It's one of the songs the kids learned at my church Vacation Bible School this week. I helped with the kindergarten class this year. We had 17 kids with perfect attendance and some mean energy levels, but they did GREAT! I really enjoyed being with them and watching them learn about Jesus. VBS and children's ministry in general is always interesting. I found myself looking at them, wondering when it was going to click. How long would it be before they have that epiphany moment when they understand how truly big God is and how small we are in comparison. Would they get out of elementary school? high school? college? Would God protect them from the evil in the world until they got to that point? Will they ever understand grace?

So, that's a lot of pondering. Of course, I have no idea when their time will come. And I have no idea what choice they will make when it does come. But, in the meantime, they learned some valuable lessons this week including the Lord's Prayer. But it was this little song they learned that got me blogging. I would hear kids singing this to themselves between activities, during class, during snacks. It's not just the song, but the motions. They sing, "This is the way of the kingdom of God" (hands go up), "This is the way of the kingdom of God"(hands come down). See, they are learning more than just a lesson in what the Lord's Prayer says, but also the importance of prayer! We pray our petitions to Heaven... God sends blessings down on us..... We raise our hands again in PRAISE for the blessings. This is the way of the kingdom of God. Relationship. We talk to God with prayer. We give our praise and thanksgiving with hands raised to him and we present our requests. He honors our praises with good things, blessings, love, forgiveness, grace... he pours them on us like a shower of his love. We worship him.

I'm trying to keep it short this morning. Hope you all have a blessed time at your VBS as well. To see a short video clip of the kids at Blackjack singing this very song, click here. (The kindergarten kids are the ones on the front row.)

faith, faith, faith, I gotta have faith, Faith, FAITH!

2009-06-08T19:23:00.003-04:00

ok, so I can hear George Michael singing in my head and you can't, but it's still a funny, although fitting, blog title.

Faith. One small word with amazing power and implications. It seems like everything comes down to it. Small things.... faith that the car will start, that we'll wake up in the morning, that there is cereal in the box...... to the Big things... faith that Jesus is the son of God who saves us from our sins, that he could live and breathe on this earth to be killed as a sacrifice for sins and then to rise again to claim his place in Glory... and that because of him, I have a faith for tomorrow.... that tomorrow will come, that I will be provided for. I am because HE IS!

I have so much to say that I don't want to garble it all up with words. I just want to praise God. I don't know how faith works, I just know that it does. I don't know how God chooses to love us, sin and all, but He does!

I have learned so much about faith in the last six months, but particularly in the last 4 weeks... God is truly amazing. When I seek him, I truly find him. He gives me the strength I need to seek another day and to seek him in it. I have lived in James..... chapter one's "double minded man"... chapter 2's "faith without deeds is dead", faith and action working together make your faith complete.... chapter 3's tongue taming, b/c i can't praise him and be upset with him at the same time.... chapter 4's submission to God and not to my own will (the reason for arguments and quarrels amongst us.... and chapter 5's patience and prayer.... definitely found some great words to stand on!

Thank you so much Lord all that you have blessed us with. Not just my family, my friends, my circumstances, but the tangible things like Robbie's new job (yeah!) and passing my board recertification (yeah!) so I can still work. Thank you that you will always honor faith, even the size of a mustard seed and I can use that faith to move mountains. Thank you that faith without deeds is dead. Thank you that by putting our faith into action, you have blessed us greatly. Praise you, praise you, praise you... I can't wait to see what comes next...

Minding my own business...

2009-05-29T18:49:00.005-04:00

I got to thinking about minding your own business or the concept of "stick to what you know" this afternoon while I was on the phone with a friend. I'm studying for my boards (still, they are coming up June 1) and she asked me what all I had learned lately by studying. She said, "Well, you already know a lot, can't be much more to learn." I replied back, "Not really. I know a lot about my world, but I know absolutely nothing about others and there is always PLENTY to learn in just one specialty!" This came into play with my car this week.

My car, beloved Fiona Ford, broke. It was great! You know, looking back, she had been acting funny for a while. I had noted about 5 or 6 weeks ago that the air conditioning no longer cooled things (as if I could forget it when it's over 80 degrees in Greenville). Pish posh. Money's tight, so I'm not getting it checked out. Oh, it's a cool morning? Bet I need my defroster for my windshield that's fogged up. Oops, won't get warm air either....interesting. Guess I'll just have to see out of this little crevice I can see through if I crane my neck and tilt my head. And surely that fan-type running noise even when the fan is off on the AC/heat doesn't mean anything. I can just ignore it. Until on the way to work this week, it just overheats. Three times within a mile. Now, I'm afraid. Little Fiona could blow up... I don't wanna blow up.... so we have to go to the specialist. Here's where there are things I just don't know about. I know a few basic words: brakes, tires, radiators, distributor caps, engine block, pistons, spark plugs....but exactly what these things do (with the exception of tires and brakes), I'm not 100% clear. No one on this earth could be, but I do happen to know a guy down the road who probably knows 90% . He's my mechanic. And he fixed Fiona Ford by finding out what I was convinced was my car getting ready to blow up was just a leaky hose that was draining the fluid from my radiator.

Man, how we can see things so unclearly sometimes. I neglected Fiona's issues. When she started to have a problem, I should have taken her on for some diagnostics and made sure she was in good working order. But instead, I just sat there feeling the hot air in the very hot weather, listening to her sound odd, thinking it was gonna be bad and I didn't want to know and I could live without knowing. Now I know people do this with their health. I work for a breast cancer surgeon. I see it everyday. "Well, I felt this lump somewhere around Christmas, but my family was around and I didn't want to tell anyone or be a burden so I just let it go. Yeah, I mean, it got bigger but by then, I was afraid to find out, I'm just scared." Then they come to the specialist (i.e. my office) for "diagnostics" and a plan to get better.

I'm a specialist in breast cancer surgery. Garry is a specialists in cars/mechanics. My husband is a specialist in computer programming and engineering. My sister/mom are specialists in education. My dad is excellent with traumas and my step-mom is an expert in loans and finance. Now, can any of us know absolutely everything about everything??? NO!! We surely can not! Our minds would just explode. We're better off to mind our own business and stick to what we know and lean on the other specialists when we need them. Together, we can make a working body that comes close to doing everything and knowing everything, but no matter how much we know, we still can't know it all.

But I do know this one guy who is a specialist in everything. I could refer you to him. His name is Jesus, aka God. He ultimately knows everything we need at any time. He just waits for us to come looking for him. He's not just a spiritual specialist, but also a life specialist. He can direct you exactly where you need to go and in exactly the timing he has planned out for you. But, just like I hope you don't neglect your physical health and Garry hopes I don't neglect the health of my vehicle, God doesn't want us neglecting our Spiritual Health. Spiritual Health is defined by our relationship with God. It's just like that Casting Crowns song, "Slow Fade". Where it says, "People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade"... 'cause it is.

One day you think you are going along fine, then you think, "well, I'm too busy today, I can't read my Bible before work, I'll get to it before bed." Then you don't, then you don't do even once a week. Then you start forgetting to pray. You start caring more about yourself than those around you. "I can't stop to help this old lady put her groceries in her car in that parking lot, I have to get home and start dinner. I'm too busy." Then you start to not even care if you go to church or not. Then it's, "Well, maybe I'll go play poker with the guys (or go out with the girls for a girls night) Saturday night. Yeah, we'll be out real late. We may not even get in til 2 in the morning. But it's okay, I can just sleep in on Sunday." You do this until one day you just hit the biggest brick wall. Things are crumbling all around you. Sometimes its things others can't even see, emotional things even. To the point that you just cry out for help. And you know what, God is there. He is a sucker for us. He can't shake us or refer us out to another specialist. He is then Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end (see Revelations 21). He will be there every time we turn to him. But wouldn't it just be easier if we did the maintenance? If when things got tough we dove deeper into our word and prayed more? If we would reach out to each other more when we can tell our friends are suffering? If we would pray for each other more, encourage each other more? God would still be there. He'd be making us more like him every day. And even though we'd still face trials, our well maintained spiritual health could help us cross through with ease. In the real world, specialists cost money. sometimes lots of it. But the Spiritual Specialist, Jesus Christ, is free. It won't cost you a dime.

If you haven't met Jesus, then I recommend you establish care with him. He is the Great Physician. You won't find one better. He can get you on the right track. Once you have established care though, don't neglect your maintenance exams. Stay plugged into the church where you can get healthy arms and legs to help hold you up in tough times. . Keep your prayer life strong so you can get some healthy air to breathe. Prayer is how you will always have a safe place to vent your feelings and frustrations and you won't hurt anyone else with your words or actions. Stay deep in the word, reading daily and looking for answers that you need and a word to stand on for each day. This will be the spiritual fuel that keeps you going. Drink in his love and blessings so you can sing his praises all the day long.**

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
**see also:
Psalm 56, Matthew 26, Mark 4, Luke 6 & 8, John 8, Romans 8 & 10, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians 8
(You know, I try to make these things shorter, but I always end up longwinded. Sorry guys.)

This is just a recipe contest, but heck, it's $25!

2009-05-28T20:37:00.003-04:00

Hey guys, I know this is not really a relevant post on spirituality or Christianity, but you know what, it is a post about the truths in life. And the truth of it is, I could really use $25 right now in gift card form from Target for a lot of things, so here's the post.

My friend Julie recently saw on a blog she follows a recipe contest. All I have to do it post a recipe here and link it to Kelly Moore's site. That's it. If she likes it, she mails me a gift certificate! I'm excited! So, sorry if you're annoyed by this one. I promise I'll make a relevant post soon.... maybe even a Recipe for Truth or something....

Robbie's Favorite Pork Ribs

1 pkg Country Style Pork Ribs (I get the ones that are on sale)

1-1.5 cups ketchup

1 small bottle of BBQ sauce ( I usually just use craft light original)

1/2 cup apple cider vinegar (you can put more to make the sauce more liquidy)

1/4 cup brown sugar (or less depending on taste)

1-2 tsp butter

ground black pepper (to taste)

coursely ground salt (to taste)

peppercorn grinder (to taste)

Okay, so you take everything but the ribs and stir it together in a pot until it has melded well. I usually start it over medium high heat, then turn it to med or med-low for about 15 minutes. In the meantime, get out your crockpot. Put the ribs in there and sprinkle with salt, pepper and some peppercorns. Pour the sauce you just made over the ribs (usually covers them for the most part). Turn on LOW for about 7-8 hours or HIGH for 2 hours AND then LOW for another 3 hours. They are done when they are falling off the bone.

I love this recipe for Sundays because I can start the sauce/crockpot right after church (I go to the early service and I'm home by 10:10a.m.) and then they are ready to eat by 7:30 dinner time, or I can start them before church and they're done by 6 or so. Goes well with lots of things!! And my husband ALWAYs wants them. This past Sunday for instance, he said, "What, no ribs for dinner?" Now he expects them. Oh well. I'm sure I"ll have more recipes in the future. This has been fun!

Secrets of a Medical Professional

2009-04-30T21:54:00.010-04:00

Outside of the blogworld, I'm a medical professional. A medical professional who has now been in practice long enough to have to renew her boards with the professional powers that be. I was studying for this mega-terrifying test a couple of weeks ago at my mom's place (I called it "vacation") and I noticed an interesting point.

If we all lived life how God told us to, we'd be such a healthy population! Many diseases that plague the general population would be eliminated and doctors/extenders like me could spend some serious time with patients who truly need serious medical attention. God's way truly is the most healthy way to live. "But, Kim, you say I'm free to be "me" with God. He knows my issues. It doesn't matter if I like to get drunk now and then.... If I don't sleep with my boyfriend he'll just go find it somewhere else." That's so not how it works. Let's examine a few of God's doctrines:

1 Corinthians 6:9-19
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1. Abstinence and Monogamy, ie no sex before marriage and sticking with the one you chose. In Romans, Paul says that we should be celibate, and if an man can not be celibate, he should take a wife. He writes a whole chapter devoted to this, see 1 Corinthians 7. Why is this important?? Oh, but it is so important. If you only knew the number of patients I have tested and/or treated for gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis.... all treatable sexually transmitted diseases... let alone the incurable ones... like genital herpes and warts. I'm supposed to counsel these last 2 patients on the importance of abstinence and, of course, not to be ashamed b/c many people get these diseases and teach them to "control" outbreaks. (By the way, the diseases can still spread even when you DON'T have an outbreak.) Don't forget Syphillis which can come and go without you even knowing it... and silently destroying your nervous system in your later years. Oh, and most importantly, HIV/AIDS. The one that can take you out forever. Do you realize that the large majority of issues surrounding abortion could be eliminated if we followed God's plan?

2. Prohibition, ie avoidance of drugs/alcohol, anything that can alter your perception of reality.

Luke 21: 34-36 "Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. ³⁵For it will come upon all those who live on the face of the whole earth. ³⁶Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man."

Do you know how many accidents and senseless arguments, acts of violence are started/based with these products?? How many good decisions do you know that started with having a drink or taking a hit of something? Besides the obvious mess this makes for our justice system, it also leads to chronic diseases. I can hear my patients now. "Well, I only smoke because my boss is such a *****." "I only use to relax a the end of the day." "I only smoke when I drink." "Using makes me forget the mess I'm in. But when I come back to reality, the mess is still there and I want to use again." See the STD's listed above. Cirrhosis, a disease that in many cases is caused by alcohol abuse. It's deadly over time. It's not reversible. Hepatitis B & C... can be transmitted with sex (usually multiple partners), blood, IV drug abuse, tattoos. Hep C is the #1 cause of liver transplants in the US. Almost totally preventable. Cocaine abuse (over time) causes heart failure. How many car accidents, 4wheeler accidents do you know that started with somone drinking or using drugs? How many lives have been affected by the pain of losing a loved one to this kind of foolishness? Smoking kills, as if you didn't know. Cigarette related deaths involve lung cancer, bone cancers, colon cancer, pancreatic cancer, brain cancer, espophagus and stomach cancers, strokes, and heart attacks. Smoking is also a major role player in acid reflux, stomach ulcers, or even very morbid diseases like COPD/emphysema that can cause you to require daily oxygen therapy.

3. Gluttony, ie weight control. Your body is a temple. See the scripture above. This is a big one, literally. The US is the largest population, maybe not in number, but in pounds. Why??? Probably because we've been the most "blessed". Despite our failings, God has blessed this nation with enough money to buy food to eat, someone else to do our grunt work and machines to do the work for us. God's plan for us was to be active. To work. Paul says, "If a man will not work, he shall not eat". God's plan was not for us to be lazy. His plan was for us to eat the bounty of the harvest. He provided foods for us that grow from the ground or feed from it. Fresh fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs....all have a place in our diet. We hire someone to clean our homes, work our crops, mow our yards instead of doing the work ourselves. We drive ourselves to work. We drive ourselves to the mailbox. Eliminating obesity eliminates a large majority of cases of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart attacks, strokes.... those are biggies, but how about the things you may not associate with your size, like acid reflux, hemorrhoids, back pain, hip pain, knee pain, heel spurs, heat rashes, fibromyalgia, depression and the list does go on. And on and on.

Father, please help us to make a change in our lives. If we don't know you, help us to start a relationship with you. Forgive us for the ways we have hurt you and help hold us up as we start anew. If we do know you, help us to maintain a lifestyle pleasing to you. Help us to put YOU first in every day we live--not another person, not a bite of food or a cigarette/drink or drug. Help us to be willing servants in healthy vessels for your service. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Have you seen my charger??

2009-04-05T10:33:00.004-04:00

I know it has been a while since I've blogged, but it's also been a while since I've taken time to really dig into my Bible. I know it sounds bad, but it's realistic and why lie about it? Snippets of time here and there just don't cut it when what I need is true revelation/renewal/revival. It's been a tough couple of months and busy, too. Robbie is still looking for full time work, my cat ran away, we got a new puppy who takes a LOT of attention, and my Granny died unexpectedly on the 15th of March. I feel like I'm spinning in circles most days, homesick, feeling guilty for not being home right now (I live 5 hours from my parents), catching up on work and life in general, so I was feeling some true disconnect from God. I pray a lot, especially in the car between work and home and vice versa, but somehow my Word time just got shorter and shorter.

One day I actually prayed jokingly to God and asked him for more time in the day so I could get a few real minutes with Him. Would you believe it if I told you he somehow made 1 1/2 hours of time in my schedule where I was ALONE in the house (no puppy and no husband) and my phone didn't even ring? It was that day that I realized, again, how amazing God can be. That he really does desire relationship with us. It's kinda like my cell phone. There's a big difference in the charge the phone can get from the car charger vs. the at home charger. If I plug in just going from point A to point B, I'll get enough boost to get through the day, the work at hand. But if I want enough power to get me through the really tough spots, the long haul, then I gotta go for the house charger, where I can plug in and stay connected for an extended time before I am fully recharged. He wants to come sit with us, hear our crap and advise us in how to make our next moves. If we only spend a blink with him daily, then we'll get to share snippets and we'll only hear tiny snippets in return... but if we take the time to spend with him in reflection (not just thrown up prayers or the Psalm I rushed through one morning) then we will reap the counsel of wisdom at it's best. Life is short, we never know when the end will come, we don't have time to play games with God. Take some time and get to know Him, it's totally worthwhile... I found so much peace and comfort in just that little bit of time.

During my time with him, I studied on revival, restoration and renewal. It's like I feel so "beat down" right now. I guess that is like opression or burdened. I feel tugged in every way. Here are some scriptures that have given me hope and some joy in this time of my life.

Psalm 80: 14-19
Return to us, O God Almighy! Look down from Heaven and see! Watch over this vine, the root your Right hand has planted, the son you have raised up for yourself. Your vine is cut down, it is burned with fire; at your rebuke your people perish. Let your hand rest on the man at your right hand, the son of man you have raised up for yourself. Then we will not turn away from you; revive us, and we will call on your name. Restore us O Lord God Almighty, make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Isaiah 40: 27-31
Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 51: 10-12
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Dear Lord, please help me to remember that you and you alone can renew my heart and give me the strength I need for the day. My Diet Mtn Dew won't do it, my husband can't pull me through it, going home and being close to my family won't do it... Lord, ONLY YOU can restore a heart or revive a soul. You alone are worthy of the praise for giving me renewed energy and the grace to move through this situation and into the next phase of life. Hosanna!! Praise the God who saves, who is merciful, the light and salvation of the world. Amen.

love dares

2009-02-13T23:15:00.009-05:00

So, it's official, I am totally out of the loop and behind the times in the Christian world. It took me this long to see the movie Fireproof. Here's what's so funny about that:

Last week, I was browsing CBD (online christian bookseller) and looking at bestsellers. I came across this book called "The Love Dare"... it's coming up on Valentine's day, I'm on a Christian website, so I'm tempted. I gotta know what it's about. CBD has this thing where you can read excerpts from books. Like an entire chapter before you buy. So, I tried it out and I nearly cracked up the whole first chapter. It was on patience.... ahhh, patience... that thing I don't really have so much of.

I have a tendency to have something my sister and I have affectionately dubbed, "tone issues". I will be fine, happy even, joking one minute.. and the next, it's hard to know if I'm really mad at you, very tired or just have "tone issues". Things come out bad (abrupt, a harsh tone), but I don't usually mean it. Sometimes everything I say comes out in that tone. (If I'm talking with my sister, she'll say, "Are you mad with me or do you just have "tone" today?" That little term has helped my sister and I overcome a lot of issues with each other. I'm also prone to apologize a lot, but I know that it's hard to take something back once it's been said. The first dare from that chapter is to, essentially, hold your tongue. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything. Nothing. hahahahahah. I broke out in rolling laughter. That got Robbie going asking what had me so tickled and stuff. I read the chapter to him... he also busted out in laughter... then he dared me. He said, "You couldn't do it." That was it, I was in!

Per the book, you are supposed to do the dares for 1 day, 24 hours, but he wanted to take it farther. He said I might not even make it a few hours. Then he added a twist. He said if I could make it 30 days, we could buy the book and do the whole thing together. WHAT? T-o-g-e-t-h-e-r.....for real??? Now that was truly tempting. This is important in 2 ways: 1. We've been minding all our pennies lately and 2. Robbie is not much on reading self-improvement type books, much less together. We've been married for a little over a year and have definitely gotten to that point where all that glitters isn't gold..... we know each other well, and the pet peaves are brewing at times. My "tone issues" are Robbie's #1 pet peave. I took him up on it and here we are 5 days in and I'm doing fine. It's very hard though. I have to think about what I'm gonna say (most of the time mid-sentence) and turn my words or my tone so ends up better than I am starting out. When I told my mom about the dare, she also burst into laughter (she had just been here over the weekend to see our current banters first hand). She just said, "Kim, doesn't it take 21 days to form a habit?" and then she laughed some more. I hope she's right, maybe I could cure this issue once and for all!

We celebrated Valentine's Day last night with an experimental dinner (that he actually liked this time) and cheesecake, we watched Fireproof (finally) and I saw where The Love Dare came from and how it plays out. I thought it would be a movie I'd have to be watching myself sometime b/c I didn't think I could get Robbie into a Christian movie that he'd stick with me through, specifically one with Kirk Cameron (oh how I love him from the 80's) given his specials on TBN that totally turn Robbie (and even me at times) off. But, this movie was actually very well made. It's a mushy movie that even my husband liked! We both had tears at times. We cheered and cheered for the couple. I was totally impressed with this movie. And, I'm really excited!! Cause I know I'm gonna make it 30 days and we're gonna get that book! I might even splurge for the old leather looking one instead of the paperback! Now, if I could only learn to turn my words before I start my sentences...

the anatomy of surgery

2009-01-28T19:59:00.014-05:00

Disclaimer: (This means you James)

1. This post is not for weak stomachs...

2. This is a long post...sorry....it got out of hand, but I couldn't decide what to trim...

I love surgery. I got my first taste of guts and gore when I was working as a nursing assistant (CNA) in Boone, NC. It was after college at LRC, before PA school. For those of you who don't know, CNA's are pretty much glorified butt wipers, doing the grunt work no one else wants to do. Labor intensive chores like baths, putting people in bed or getting them up and dressed, feedings, cleanings and even (Lord, I can't believe I ever used to do this stuff)... enemas! Nasty work, but someone had to do it and it was definitely a learning experience for me. I had worked as a CNA in nursing homes, an ER, and, finally, in a birthing center at a local hospital. I loved that job. I still had to do some nasty stuff there, but most of it involved infants or cleaning up a new mama so she could be with her baby. And that is also where I got to feel a persons "innards" for the first time. The birthing center had their own surgical suite dedicated to c-sections.... planned or emergency. I worked night shift, so I usually saw emergencies or at least unexpected deliveries. It was a rush. It was crazy and, at times, it was absolutely a mess! But I loved it. They took me to the OR, taught me the instruments, how to pass them, how to help the doctor, how to scrub. My mom thought it was fun to ask me what I did at work that day until the day I answered (truthfully), "I caught the ovaries". She didn't ask so much after that :D

Then I came to PA school. Just in case you don't know, PA means "Physician Assistant". In this state (NC), I can see patients, diagnose them, treat them, write medicines for them in prescriptions and all sorts of stuff. And, after a few years, I now work with a surgeon, back in the OR, except, this time, I'm asking for the instruments, not passing them. I help with surgery, suture ("close") from time to time, my opinion is heard, I write orders and help manage patients. I understand more about what is going on. And here is a truth that I have noticed in the OR.

As you walk the halls of the operating room, you will see a lot of scrubs. At our hospital, everyone in the OR is decked in green ones. All the same color of green. A few of them may be a "girl" style (2 lower pocket shirt, elastic waist pant) vs. a "boy" style (one pocket shirt, drawstring pant) but pretty much we all have on scrubs. We wear masks and protective eyewear, booties and caps. It's pretty hard to tell who's who! There are also a lot of people in the OR. There are patients (obviously, they have on gown or are naked), nurses, scrub techs, PA's, residents, doctors, CRNA's, any variety of student from any of these groups, and OR assistants. All varying levels of education depending on the job they do. The patients lay on the table, the nurses chart and run the room, the CRNA's monitor the patients while they sleep, the scrub techs pass instruments, the PA/resident/student for these may scrub in to assist/help suture/hold instruments, the doctor operates and the OR assistant, well, they get the dirty work. They clean up the beds, take specimens to pathology or the lab or mammography, they clean up the scrub spaces, they physically help move patients, then they take the trash and linens out of the room, mop and clean for the next case. They get the grunt job. So, if we're all dressed the same and we all have the same external anatomy, how can you tell who's who????

Here's the truth I've seen in my observations: By their words.

Just so you know, I'm just talking about "instances" here... I'm not stereotyping each group... Many times, I have come upon two doctors (surgeons or anesthesiologists) talking to each other about their day. Could be their cases, could be their homelives, could be "the man". You have to be prepared when you listen in, because you're probably gonna hear some words you don't want to hear. The f-word comes to mind among others. Or you'll hear someone joking about an ex-spouse or how many hours they can work in a month/how many cases they can get trying to make more money, which subdivision they plan to move into next and which private school their kids are going to. Their OR conversations are more likely than not about politics, the stock market, housing prices, etc. The nurses, well, they are always a lot of fun. You'll find them talking about patients usually with compassion, trying to decipher what's best. Sometimes they gripe about "the man" but you usually don't hear so much cussing. They are trying to finish shifts to get home to family and they talk about their families often. Then there are the scrub techs and ORA's. These guys are the lowest paid employees in the OR. The scrub techs do a job that even the nurses don't do, take call like nurses, but don't get paid half what nurses get paid. But as you walk down the halls of the OR, you will hear them encouraging each other... with scripture... with prayer... asking earnestly about each other's families....asking about church or Bible study. They remember details about you that you forget you've even shared with them.

The scrub techs and ORA's are the "guts" of the OR. The doctor may be the head, directing all the hands... the nurses are the lymph nodes, cleaning up and keeping order.... the CRNA's keep the heart and lungs working... the PA's/residents are like hands and feet running here and there to help hold things in order for the doctor to do more... but the techs and ORA's, dirty as their jobs may be, are the guts. They do work that is down and dirty at times. They even get treated like poo from many surgeons and even PA's/residents who talk down to them or act like they don't exist or throw temper tantrums. But they are the ones who have the guts to live with a Christ-like heart. They are unafraid to speak of the love of God in the halls. There is even a transporter that tells every patient that she rolls from one area of the hospital to the other... "Have a blessed surgery." I honestly believe that as she pushes these stretchers with patients of all sizes that she prays for them with each step.

When I was a CNA in that birthing center, I talked about Bible studies at work. The girls there invited me to some and I went with them and loved it. We encouraged each other and prayed for families and sometimes even over the babies in the nursery if they had odd home situations (like abandonment or any dangers we could feel). When I was a PA student, I led Bible studies in my house. I had scripture crammed everywhere!! I was constantly studying in different books and notebooks and I had sticky notes of scriptures to encourage me at some place in all of them (I still find them now sometimes). I knew other students---med students and PA students who did this, too. Many who claimed they would carry God into their practices and share God with their patients. I wonder how many actually did? There are occasions when I get to pray with patients or share my faith or encourage with scripture. I feel so blessed when I see those opportunities, because I know that I did not create them, I am just speaking up to fill the position that was created for me. There are a few times that I've even discussed faith with co-workers, but that seems to be tougher.

What opportunities has God made for you to encourage someone or for you to carry your words to someone that you may see every day or maybe even never again? Who cares if someone is watching you as you pray for someone if the person has asked you to or finds comfort in it? Who cares if you support a co-worker who may not be of your "class" by encouraging them with scripture or a note or even, "I'm praying for you and your family." Who cares if you don't wear a dress and heels to church? Who cares if you give you shirt to a homeless person? or hold hands with a drug addict? God cares. What has he called you to do?

John 15:15-17
"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

actions speak louder than words

2008-12-28T18:51:00.005-05:00

Robbie and I have been bored lately and trying to relax after the holidays, so we have been watching a lot of TV shows we've DVR'd for just such a day... the main show he has been recording is House, MD. Neat show, odd premise, (as always) Jeopardy, lots of Food Network programming and, recently, True Beauty.

Leave it to Ashton Kutcher to make another thought provoking show. If you haven't True Beauty, get ready for a really petty show, that is actually interesting. The show is made up of these contestants who think they are the most beautiful person in America. They think at the end of the contest they will be told which of them is the most beautiful. There are 3 judges who are judging their "beauty", but in reality, they are taking in both their physical appearance and their inner beauty. They measure the inner beauty by planting secret challenges to see how the contestants react... do they help a friend in need? do they reach out a helping hand to a stranger? would they look at other contestsants private medical files if they were left alone with them?

Watching this show, it is amazing how conceited people are, how "special" or "perfect" they believe they are. When you watch it, you'll see I mean. It just goes to show that people who think they are beautiful and perfect, really aren't. And the more you get to know them, many of them grow even uglier. Most of all, if you confront them with their flaws, they become very defensive. I was like, wow! who saw that reaction coming... this person that got eliminated even lied about looking at files (said it was hers) and when they showed proof that it wasn't, she tried to act like she was justified for looking and that it didn't matter. She was standing there disputing the importance of honesty, looking uglier and uglier as her true colors showed.

There was also an interesting moment in House. In this episode, House is in trouble with the law because of stealing prescription drugs and taking them. He goes to the prosecutor and apologizes for what he has done. It is a heartfelt apology that seems all mushy-gushy. When he is done with this seemingly heartfelt monologue, the officer says essentially, "Thanks, but I don't care what you say. What you say makes no impression. It's what you DO that impresses me."

1 John 1:5-10

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

Actions speak louder than words. To be truly beautiful and to get your life in order means to live a life not of pride, but of humility. Lives submitted to God, in his will, following his order and rules. Without Christ, we could not be truly beautiful, we would still have a huge weight of sin. If pointing out a flaw makes you erupt like a volcano, you probably have some work to do (and that includes me, I don't like being told I'm wrong). If you don't know the love of Christ, then you can pray a prayer asking him to come into your heart as you submit to his ways and believe in Him.

I once was lost, but now I'm found... Thank you, Lord!

2008-12-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope you have a very blessed day with your families and a blessed new year, too!!!

for the Love of Christmas...

2008-12-21T07:17:00.010-05:00

I love Christmas and all that it brings.... family, friends, Christmas music, presents (no matter how big or small), food, Christmas trees, ornaments I've had since my childhood, my grandmother's nativity set which was made by my great-grandmother... what is there not to love! Oh, and I can't forget Christmas movies... no matter how cheesy they are!!

I was watching one of my favorite "standards" this time of year last night with a friend, Miracle on 34th Street. Wonderful, wonderful movie. As I've seen in several other cheesy movies this year, there is a little girl in the movie who no longer believes in Santa. Santa.. the guy who spreads joy to all on Christmas. A guy tries to rationalize with this little girl, "What if there really is a Santa and you don't believe in him? What if you are really missing out? Wouldn't it be better to hope, than to not believe at all?" Each time I've heard similar lines in these movies, all I can see is Christ. There is such a close connection in the way we relate to Santa. For example, Santa's story is quite unbelievable in many ways. You know, the North Pole, flying reindeer, magical sacks of toys, chimneys, traveling around the world in one night... So is Jesus's story if you think about it: Born of a virgin, the son of God in human form, 1/3 of a holy trinity, he could heal people with a word and raise the dead (Lazarus) and come back from the dead himself to ascend to his heavenly throne. Here's some scripture I came across this morning:

Luke 18:15-17

People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

We take our kids to Santa to reinforce their faith in him, to give them something concrete to bolster their belief in him. Sometimes we take them to hear what they tell Santa, but most parents I know, already know what the kid plans to tell Santa. But we take them, to "prove" Santa is real. Do we do the same with Jesus? This goes with both the children and ourselves. Do we read the Christmas story one night during all the festivities out of obligation? What do we do daily to prove to ourselves Jesus is real? "Now faith is the being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1). What are we doing to bolster our own faith?

How can we prove to ourselves Jesus is real? This is what I think (and this is my opinion... you can try it for yourself and see if you think it works or not). When it all boils down to the nitty gritty, God is love. He is the epitome of it. The Bible speaks of faith, hope and love, these three abide, but the greatest of them is LOVE (see 1 Cor 13:13). His whole plan and purpose is Love. In Mark 12, Jesus is asked the question,

"Of all the commandments, which is the most important?". "The most important," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

So, the best way I've found to reinforce my faith in Jesus (and hopefully to spread that faith to others like an airborne infection) is to praise God for all that he has blessed me with-- salvation, new life through him, forgiveness of sins, redemption (worth and value), an inkling of understanding of what love truly is, etc-- and to share with others out of the overflow of love he has poured into my heart. It may not be a monetary gift, but just giving of your time or your skills can be an unbelievable gift of Love to someone this Christmas. Show them you love them, that they are worth loving and that someone out there cares for them..... whether they are family, friends, acquaintances or even strangers.... It may be the gift that sparks their own faith that God is real and worth believing in, a gift that changes a heart for eternity.

Merry Christmas, Blessed New Year!!

things I'm thankful for...

2008-11-17T07:51:00.012-05:00

At church last Sunday, the pastor gave his Thanksgiving sermon... he used a passage from Deuteronomy that got me thinking... He preached on Deut 8: 7-10, I'm gonna use Deut 8:7-14. Here is what I heard/how I interpret these scripture (please, for the "real deal" on these, click the link for the verses and see how you would take them).

My take on Deut 8:7-14
"The Lord your God has brought you through a heck of a lot and now he has brought you to a good place. A place of peace, rest, plenty. You will have everything you need here and will have no use for 'want'. When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the blessings and goodness he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord you God, failing to follow his commands, walking in his ways as are described in his Word. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied and build fine houses and settle down and you have plenty of money and all you have is multiplied, then your hear will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God who brought you out of your slavery..."

What a love smack! I totally needed that. When I think about the Lord and where he has brought me from, I am amazed. I don't mean poverty wise or anything like that. I had all I needed growing up. I mean the dark valleys and the slavery that I found myself in, many times through my personal choices... choices that were usually made out of my "want". For example, there was a time when I didn't think being single was good enough, so I went seeking a relationship anywhere I could find it. Of course they all failed. Of course I was disappointed. But why? I already had all that I would need. God was there for me, he was teaching me lessons in how to trust him, lean on him. He knew that when I met Robbie and we got married that within our marriage Robbie could not be my "everything", that I would still need to come to him for guidance, so he taught me that while I was single.

If we apply this to America in general, especially in our current financial state, we can make another example. It wasn't/isn't good enough to live within the means of what we had... smaller houses with low payments, cars that are paid for, jobs that pay decently. Instead, out of our "want" we take loans bigger than we can afford, inflate the prices of our homes, and buy new or newer cars consistently. We end up indebted to others out of our "want" or a sense of "need" created by envy or what we see others have around us. I think a perfect example of this is when people come visit our house. We have a 3 bed room house with an unfinished bonus room. Robbie has an office here that is in one of the bed rooms. Many times, when people come to visit, including some family members, they say, "Well, you'll need a bigger house when you have kids." For one, how many kids do they think we'll have? I mean, I'm 31. and for two, are you kidding? Our parents raised 2 kids in 3 bedroom houses and we turned out fine. (We'll still have 3 BR if we finish the bonus room). We have all the room that we need. God has provided for us. And if he somehow provides us with more than 2 kids, then I'm sure he'll provide us with another home. One within our means.

So, enough rambling. I am very very thankful this Thanksgiving. We have a home, vehicles that run, a large meal to eat today (and then more this weekend), we'll have a Christmas tree. Robbie doesn't have another job/contract yet, but I know God will provide. Our Christmas may be "skimpy" this year, but these holidays are not about monetary gifts or trivial items to spend money on. The greatest gifts we'll get over these holidays are gifts of time with our family and loved ones. Quality, not quantity. We're all healthy, and we have each other. If God sent his son here as an example of Love, then we should extend that love to those around us. Here's a good list of things to be thankful for this holiday and to ponder coming into the Christmas season:

Isaiah 9

Unto Us a Child Is Born

1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan-

2 The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

3 You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder.

4 For as in the day of Midian's defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.

5 Every warrior's boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.

6 For unto us a child is born,
unto us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful,
Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.

7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.

Without these words... this prophecy... and it's completion, I would have no knowledge of true Love and it's meaning in my life.. no way of understanding the full measure of grace or mercy... no way of knowing what it truly means to be humble or Thankful.

Lord, help us not forget the source of our blessings...

stuck in my genes

2008-11-10T21:47:00.006-05:00

Disclaimer: this is a very personal blog and I am feeling kinda vulnerable with this one, so bear with me, even the length.

I was feeling fat, miserable and tired over the past weekend after doing some shopping with my mom and eating at the Olive Garden. When I got home, I desperately wanted nothing more than to get out of my jeans and into my PJ's! But, nonetheless, I was trying to go to fast and I got my jeans stuck down around my feet. I couldn't get them off. I was laughing to myself about this situation and I thought, "Yep, here I am, stuck in my jeans."

I go through these moments, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, of feeling bad about myself. Not who I am deep down, but who I am on the outside and how the 2 match up. I struggle with my weight. I have struggled with it pretty much my entire life. When I think about dieting and such, I always think of my Grandma Ruth who seemed to be eternally on Weight Watchers and I think, "Well, it's just my genes."

You know what, I'm tired of being stuck in my GENES. My dad yo-yo's weight, my mom, stepmom, sister.... me? I'm just big and stay big. But either way, I'm still stuck in my ways. Bad habits that don't ever seem to change. I think about it sometimes when I'm on the way to the halfway house to lead the women in a recovery home for addictions how they must feel when they look at me... clearly addicted myself and stuck in a habit/comfort that I have no true desire to escape from. If I had a true desire, then I would have changed it by now.

Here is my crazy internal dialogue: "I want to lose 60 lbs (well, 80 after going to the doctor this week and facing his scales).. I'm going to start on Monday morning by getting up early before work to go for a brisk walk... 60 lbs is a lot, maybe I should just try 30... But it's so much work to take weight off... I could do it if someone would do it with me... maybe if I joined a gym?... today is just too busy to go for a walk... i can do it on Monday, but Tuesday I have conference at 7a.m. and then a full day of clinic/charts... have you felt the temperature outside at 5:30A?... it's even getting cooler/darker early in the evening... Harley (big neighborhood dog) lives down there, I had better cut that walk short to avoid him... I'll just do a video in the house... what if Robbie sees me?... Who has $40/month for Weight Watchers and $30 a month for a gym membership?... I just feel silly..."

But outside, I just look silly. Inside, I feel confident and tough in most situations, most days. When I think of how I look (even when I dream) I don't see the "fat" me. I only see "me". I've done this for 31 years (probably 21 of which I have been aware of my weight/appearance). Now I'm married and we're thinking about having kids. I don't want to worry about diabetes or living long enough to see my kids graduate from high school. I don't want to pack on 50 lbs of pregnancy weight and have no idea what to do with it. Chinese food can not be good for pregnant people.... just one more thing to give up when the time comes. I don't want my kids to pick up the same habits that I have taken upon myself. It's a curse that I don't want them to ever know or battle.
Exodus 34:5-9

Then the Lord came down in a cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance."

Frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm ready to break my curse. It's a sin of gluttony and laziness I have wrapped around myself for years. Please, Lord, forgive me for my ignorance, for ignoring my own addictions, for using food to comfort me when YOU ALONE are my comfort. You keep telling me, "My grace is suffient for you" and maybe now I'm just catching on! Help me to recognize the bad patterns and habits in my life and give me the strength to overpower them. Help me to find YOU as the easiest choice/place to go when I have issues. Praise you Lord, for your infinite wisdom and power. You have me in the palm of your hand, Lord. Help me never to forget that you are with me.

I am asking/praying publicly for God's support. That's all it takes. His part will be taken care of. He will be there for me. I wholeheartedly believe that. But, I don't want to let him down. It's a 2 way street. He will be there for me, but I have to make the choices to reach out for him and not brownies. Maybe with your help/support, knowing you guys are reading and watching me, I can stay accountable and really follow through. It will be hard with the holidays coming (I mean, have you eaten at my Mom's house? Mama can COOK! There are endless goodies when I go to family's houses, not to mention Robbie's mom!). But I want a change. I need a change. There is no pill that can help (before you fight me on this, it might help for a few months, but unless I change my ways, I'll gain it back and then some). There is no person that can change me. There is no product I can buy that will clean me up like a virus scan and take out all the bugs. The only thing I can do is vow to make a change and follow through. The only way I can do that is with God on my side, some very earnest prayer and some awesome prayer partners to help me in this battle!!!

Mary, the mother of Jesus, in her "magnificat" says about the nature of God, "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on, generations will call me blessed, for the mighty one has done great things for me--holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation." (Luke 1: 46-50) If I can get this under control with the help of God, break this nasty tradition of sorts, then I can share that mercy with my children and hopefully they could take it to their children.

I can't be the only one dealing with my "genes". What pattern are you stuck in? Unhealthy lifestyle like me? Unhealthy relationships? Unhealthy med uses? Misuses of alcohol or using cigarettes to sway your anxiety? Food, drugs, sex, false intimacy, alcohol, cigarettes, TV addiction, movies/fantasies... none of them will make you feel better. If you want a true change, cry out to God. He alone is the breaker of generational issues. The only one who can restore you back to who you are on the inside.
Psalm 145: 2-7

Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

Click here to read all of Psalm 145 (I highly recommend it) Thank you (in advance) for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted on how things go.

Decision 2008

2008-11-05T21:45:00.009-05:00

Now that the election is over, I have a grumble I want to bring up: voting a "straight ticket".... You know, filling in the circle for your presidential choice and one other box, the one for your party. All the other circles are automatically filled in for you. I have heard of this practice before. I have seen it demonstrated to the people in line to vote in the form of a "sample" ballot. And, this year, I even heard a woman behind me in line telling her daughter how to vote. "You check the box next to your choice for president and then you check the box next to the ______ party. Then hand it in."

I have a problem with straight party voting. I also have a problem with someone telling another person, especially their adult child, how they are "expected" to vote. We all have a choice to vote and how to do it. It's a personal decision (one I haven't even shared with my husband). In my opinion, voting a straight ticket is like saying only the presidential vote matters or that you only care about "your party". But there may be people within the party you may never agree with in a hundred years. It's like "un-informed voting". You know nothing about them except they are in "the party" you think you support.

There are many people out there who do this with their faith, too. There are many people out there (I used to do this, too) who claim to be a Christian and say, "I vote my morals" or "I have my morals" but they really are uninformed or misinformed about the true nature of Christ and you surely can't see much of God in them. They aren't really sure what the party stands for at all, they just think they do or want others to think they do. If they don't know the foundation of their faith/"morals", then how can they be sure they truly could stand behind their faith when it really counts? If you have only been a "Christian" because your mama and daddy and granddaddy and great-granddaddy were, then you are missing out and mis-informed.

There are some very important foundational issues you really should learn about and make sure you agree with them. There is one great thing about voting on the Christian Ticket. You can get real answers from the candidate himself...personally. He'll come to you wherever you are because you are that important to him. See Jeremiah 33:3--"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things which you do not know". These are answers that have stood the test of time. The answers never change from one situation to the next. It is an everlasting truth and you can find it for yourself in almost every library or bookstore or hotel room. If you want to know more about Christ or the character of God... a person you can truly put your confidence in to run your everyday life, then open a Bible and take it in. If you want to boost your knowledge base, pray for him to reveal himself to you. Pray for those around you. Pray for your nation. Do his works/service in your community. He can use his Word, other people and circumstances to reveal himself. You can get a new dose of him everyday.... new encouragement, life lessons, strength, comfort, new insights, compassion, grace, forgiveness, restoration, rest.. and the list goes on and on and on. Either way, this could be your Decision 2008 that makes biggest headline in your personal history, and you don't have to be 18 to be eligible to vote.

So, there's my election soap box. Hope it isn't too offensive. I would love to hear your comments/thoughts. I would love to discuss foundations or help answer questions if you are reading this blog and don't know where to start.

speedbumps?

2008-10-30T22:46:00.012-04:00

"I will wait for you, Jesus. You're the sun in my horizon..... all my hope's in you, Jesus, I can see you now, arising...." Thank you, Jason Upton, for the stunning illumination.

I have been "navel gazing" this week. Thinking about myself. Thinking about how my plans are being thwarted lately by the world. Things happen. You have to "roll with the punches", and sometimes I'm better at it than others. I remembered the verse that says, "even the darkness is light to you" (Psalms). Last night I started to put it all together. There are a lot of metaphors in the Bible, and even more in the words of earlier Christian writers. Symbol after symbol. When I see the word "sun", particularly in the New Testament, sometimes I like to substitute the word "Son" and see if it still makes sense, or sometimes, even more sense. I was praying the other night and this Jason Upton song came up on my iPod with the words as noted above. I couldn't help but substitute. I like the symbol of the Son as the sun. It makes him truly illuminating.

"Even the darkness is light to you" because the Son is just past the horizon, reflecting light off the moon. The son is hope. The sun brings a new day. I see you on the horizon. My hope is in the horizon.... a new day, given by the SON, not made by me. Given in time HE created, not me. I have no control of time, only what I do with the time I have. I have no control of the timing of events or situations in my life, only what I do with the situations I am given as they are given.

We get disappointed when we don't get our way. Even when we think our hearts are in the right place, our hopes can be misplaced in "the plan" and not "in the son". The only hope to be found is in the Son. We lose the glory in the situation when we cease to see that we are not the author of the dawn and we can not illuminate the darkness ourselves. Everything we do will fall short of the glory of God.

Matthew 5:44-45 "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

justly justifying justice

2008-10-21T16:38:00.004-04:00

I've been helping some girls with a Bible study lately. Well, they're women, not girls. While I was there the other night, we ran into one of those confusing and wordy passages in a new testament letter from Paul. We were talking about "justification" vs. "justice". Here's the passage, Romans 3:22-26:

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

The lesson was discussing how even though we have sinned, God has forgiven us. There is no "penance" to be paid for the rest of our lives. He says he forgave us, so he forgave us. That's God's grace, that's "justification". God looks at us as though we have never sinned and all that stuff in the past is forgotten. It won't ever be thrown back in our faces. The battle then becomes an inward one. We have to forgive ourselves and move on. This idea of justification was being compared to "justice" which is, briefly, "fairness". Each day you hear "what's fair is fair" or "an eye for an eye" or "he/she doesn't deserve to be treated any better". Someone hurts you, so you hurt them back or withhold something from them in an effort to hurt them back. And you feel as if you are "justified" by your actions because you have been hurt. But what about that is "justified"? What about your personal vengeance or payback makes you look at the other person as though they have never hurt you? Nothing. Justification and being "justified" is not something that we can give to ourselves or to others. We can only pray and ask for God to provide the justice we need (including our own forgiveness). He alone can justify a situation or bring it into perspective.

Stating the obvious

2008-10-18T11:24:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged here in a few weeks now. Sorry about that. I've been lazy. In many ways, and very busy in others. We recently took a vacation which took a lot of work at home (packing, laundry, etc) and a lot of work professionally (finishing up charts, seeing an inflated volume of patients before we left, etc). It also meant we got a lot of time to relax... a 3 hour plane ride and 4 days in Mexico. Unfortunately, I left my "little Bible" in my car by accident. When I got to Mexico, there was a new testament bible in the night stand, but it was in Spanish! So, I've had a week away from my Bible and since I have gotten back, I've been so busy "catching up" that I honestly have only been reading one day.

I was praying in the car one morning on the way to work and I was like, "God, you feel so distant right now"... then I realized the obvious.. when was the last time I really spent time with him? When I truly read the word, truly looked for him... it's been about 10 days now since I spent legitimate time with him and not "selfish time" (like, I've got 10 minutes to read this, then I'm gonna snooze for 15 minutes before I get ready for work).

So, for those of you who follow the blog, I'm sorry I've been out so long. I'm working on my daily structures/discipline and I will try to do better!! :D Oh, and by the way, for more information on our recent trip, click here to see vacation pics.

He keeps me in stitches....

2008-09-30T19:27:00.004-04:00

Psalm 139: 13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I love to crochet. I've been taught a simple chain a couple of times years ago but never really kicked it in gear until recently. Now, I've been having a ton of fun with it. New projects. Something to "do" while I'm watching TV in the evenings so I don't feel so "useless". When I'm not home crocheting or putting together pieces, I'm at work, taking people apart and helping to put them back together again. Just a perk of working for a surgeon. I never ceased to be amazed by the wonders and miracles that had to be involved with creating our bodies. All the intricate details. It's not just organs and glands and bones... it's connective tissues that overly each item, multiple layers, suspending them in place against gravity, against the mess we put our bodies through. The "spark" that starts our heart. There is no "reason" for it, it just "starts", all on it's own. God knew how we would develop. He put every piece in place. He wrote the code for our DNA. So why do we ever doubt him?

I was reading blogs when I found a great cause today. It's the Special Olympics Scarf Project. I'm excited about this one. I think I'm going to spend the next couple of months working on some very special scarves and send them out there... if you are into crochet (or even knit), please send me a picture of some of your work! I'm totally interested. Hope you join me in the Special Olympics Scarf Project!!

Home

2008-09-24T09:32:00.006-04:00

I've struggled over the last few years with the concept of "Home". I love the town I grew up in. I love the scenery, the seasons, the places and of course the people that are related to it. Mountains, cool breezes, perfect views and peaceful rivers, my family and old friends. I left all that a few years ago to come out to "the flat land" and go to school. I really feel like during school is really when I found myself. I found more of me here, in this place, than anywhere else I had been. When I finished school, I prayed and prayed and prayed and felt that I should stay here and look for a job. Even though I felt more "me" here, I still called "Home" my mountain home. I did the right thing to stay here. God has been very faithful to me here and I even met my husband at my first job here in town. Then I got married and I call two places "home"... I figured one is wherever my husband is and one is my mountain family home.

Over the weekend I travelled home (to my mom's) for a family function with a friend. It's my favorite time of year there. Fall! Nice cool breezes, you can wear your t-shirt and jeans and be comfortable. There are apples and leaves starting to change colors. It hit me that I really missed there sometimes. I was very content on Sunday afternoon to just sit and be in Mama's living room while everyone was out for a drive. I had a moment I don't get very often anymore, even in Greenville, an hour alone in the house.

My mind had been unsettled in the week before I came to visit. I had it on my heart to do a Bible study at a local half way house. After fighting the urge for at least 2 months, I had gone to visit the house and the girls before I was to start the study there this week. I felt miserable. When I left there, I felt so discouraged. I felt like a pompous, overzealous, hypocrite...."the whitest white girl ever" is one way to put it. No, the girls were not all different races, the majority were white like me, but I just felt out of my zone, out of place. I had walked in in my work clothes (professional attire) and carrying my Vera Bradley bag. Did it matter at that point that I bought my Vera in a "retirement sale" for 40% off? Not really... all I felt in my heart is that I was rubbing in their faces that I had enough money for a Vera. I felt my confidence (in me, personally and also in my "call" to be there) starting to drift. I was starting to doubt. I started to wonder what in the world I was going to have in common with these women and why they would EVER listen to me. It was a tough week and I'm not the best at making extra time to pray for things. I was disappointed when my own Bible study that I attend, which was scheduled for a prayer night, had to cancel. So, to find a free hour, alone in my mom's house to ask God why I felt such unease in the halfway house was a true blessing.

I asked, "Why am I there, Lord? What purpose do you have for me there? It definitely wasn't comfortable. How am I going to get comfortable?" God never ceases to amaze me.... as much as I continued to try and ask questions, the louder I heard in my head a worship song I truly love. It was overwhelming, so eventually, I started to hum the song and sing it in my head, recalling the words....

"Into your courts I run with praises flowing from my heart, every day I live to sing your song, it's the anthem of my life. I want to spend my days in your presence Lord and bow before your throne. In the house of God is where I find my peace, it's where I find my...HOME is heaven, one day Lord I will live. In your courts, you'll find me, in worship at your feet. Hide me now, in the shadows of your wings, where I will be...where I will be.." (Thank you Marty Sampson and Hillsong!)

I just sat there and basked in the glory... I felt the presence of God and it was all I could do to not come undone... what a sweet moment. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to serve you. It doesn't matter where I go. If God goes with me, it may as well be Home. I can have that same peace I had in my mama's living room at the halfway house if I look for God there and stop looking for "me" there. It's not what I'm going to do there. It's what God is trying to do there. I hope I can always remember to look for God, but, knowing the my nature, I'll have to learn this lesson again.

something old, something new...

2008-09-11T20:51:00.006-04:00

I love Barnes and Noble. When I was a student in my professional program, I studied there all the time. I would take in my books and some music (with ear phones of course) and study all day sometimes. Now that I'm working, I don't get there as much as I used to. I usually just go in when I'm looking for a book to research something that has hit me as interesting. This week, I stopped in to find a peaceful corner to finish my Bible study. We go there to read up on something while our partners read periodicals or the kids are perusing books in the book section. Sometimes we go there seeking a specific purpose, other times just to browse and see if anything strikes us. I can think of a time that I read an entire book there so I didn't have to buy it for class. I even studied for the GRE from a review book at B&N while I was there one afternoon. (Thank you, Kaplan review book, for the score that got me in!) This week I just perused books on crochet and home design when I finished my study. I started conversations with a lady sitting near me in comfy chairs. I enjoyed my time there, very relaxing.

What did we do in town before there was Barnes and Noble booksellers? Where did we go to find information and do some quick research? Where could we find a world of information in one location? You know, it was called "The Library". What is the difference in B&N and the Library? The library is a little more quiet. There are no beverages from Starbuck's at the Library. Barnes and Noble is always cold. There's actually a lot of noise to cut through at B&N to study (blenders, espresso makers, coffee presses, overhead speakers, conversations). The books at the Library can be truly borrowed and not purchased. But when it comes right down to it: It's the same old information (books books books....words, thoughts, ideas) but in a new wrapping.

Have you noticed how they do that with Bibles these days? It's not just the plain old black, brown or burgundy leather choices of old. You can get updated text versions boasting "easier to understand" wording. You can get cool covers. I saw pink, suede, metal cased, clasped, purse sized, large print, and multiple devotional Bibles. It's the same old information, just in a new wrapper. If you wanna get anything out of it, you still have to open it and dig deep. You can't expect it to just open up for you and the words jump off the page.

I think we do that with a lot of things these days. Church.... if you don't like the one you're at because it's too "old fashioned", you change to one in a new wrapper... more contemporary, must make it more Holy, right? But the message is the same. You won't find God in a house of worship unless you open your heart and seek him there. If you go in looking for your friends or a comfort zone instead of God, you'll still be distracted, disappointed and unfulfilled. You can walk in and out of either one and never really know God if you are not actively seeking him yourself on a daily basis.

Praise and Worship.... The music gets more upbeat, more engaging, more invigorating, more contemporary and hymns seem forgotten. In reality, it's just the same old information just in a new wrapper. Take the hymn "Just as I Am" (one stanza): Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me and that thou bidst me come to thee, O Lamb of God I come, I come." The guy who wrote that song, he's just a sinner like everyone else and he admits it. He says, "I'm not perfect, I didn't ask you to die for me, but you did. And because you did, even when I was a sinner, I come to you Lord, I owe you my all". Or, the hymn "At the Cross": "At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light and the burdens of my heart rolled away. It was there by faith I received my sight and now I am happy all the day" vs. the contemporary Hillsong's "Lead me to the Cross": "Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss. Lead me to the cross, where your love poured out, bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down. Rid me of myself, I belong to you, oh lead me... lead me to the cross". Not so different in the message. Some people say the newer songs "stir the emotions" more, others say the old hymns are stiff and unappealing. Some people say the hymns are "dead words", other's say that the contemporary songs are blasphemous or an abomination. It's just something to argue about, to divide us more. But, honestly, if you don't come before God with a heart prepared for worship (surrendered to him, open, loving, accepting) then no matter how "stirring" the worship, you won't find the intimacy you are seeking. You can find intimate worship anywhere, no matter what wrapper it's in. I love music, I love praise and worship, but in the last few months, I've realized more than ever that I can find that anywhere... even in the breeze in the trees seen while sitting on my granny's carport, the sound of Henry's laugh or the look on all our faces when we see him take steps, or when Robbie does something sweet (like the dishes, haha). These are things that bring glory to God. So, my heart jumps for joy and I feel the love of God all around me and I thank him for his abundant grace and kindness to me, to us, even though I didn't ask for it, he just gave it, just as I am. That, is praise.

So, don't forget the Library. There's a lot of information to be found there. There's no use in talking bad about it or acting as if you've never been to it. And don't let the new wrapper fool you, B&N is essentially a contemporary library. But no matter which place you choose to call your information station, you'll still have to search out the section you are looking for and search through books that aren't in alphabetical order (even when are supposed to be) to find what you're looking for. A bookseller or the librarian may be able to take you to the section, but they can't read the book for you and, unfortunately, the information won't seep through by osmosis. Happy reading. Can't wait to hear what y'all find out!! :D

are you under house arrest?

2008-09-06T07:10:00.010-04:00

I have a confession to make: blogging has not been the only "Holy Spirit urging" I have felt lately. During a recent Bible study with a group of wonderful women, I began to feel the urging to take a Bible study to a local half way house. The study we were doing is about healing, restoring, reconciliation. A message we all need to hear in our path to spiritual maturing. I have hesitated. I have tried to rationalize reasons to not go. I have even heard a little voice that says, "They won't hear what you have to say." But I've also had some reassuring moments, including a message I heard recently at church.

We went out to Black Jack a couple weeks ago and the pastor usually starts his message with some joke or colloquialism to get us all engaged in the message. This particular joke was about a man applying for job. The employer asked him about any crimes he may have committed and he ashamedly said he had some things on his record. The employer asked in return, "Well, just how many felonies do you have?" To this the applicant replied, almost excitedly, "Oh, oh no, I don't have any felonies, only misdemeanors." The pastor went on to deliver a really great message about sin. It definitely sparked ideas in my mind and it definitely was a conversation stirrer not only in our truck on the way to lunch, but also with the couple we were dining with. We ALL have sins. We ALL have things in our lives we are not the most content with from our past. We ALL have things we think we have buried sufficiently. But there is none of us better than another. "There is no difference,for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." (Romans 3:22-23). But the good news is that we "are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:24). Paul has a way of being wordy, so I want to paraphrase v. 24 if that's okay: We are all made right before God because of Christ's sacrifice for our life. He makes us ALL worthy of his redeeming love, no matter how deeply embedded our sin is, how "big" we think it is, or the length of time we've had it/done it. That's the "good news" of the gospel in a nutshell.

In my daily readings, I had recently come across a verse that went along with this. I was reading in Acts were the disciples had been jailed for preaching and, particularly, healing, in the temple courts. They were falsely accused of heresy or blasphemy (essentially going against the Jewish church). Here is the account:
Acts 5:17-20

Then the high priest and all his associates, who were members of the party of the Sadducees, were filled with jealousy. They arrested the apostles and put them in the public jail. But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the doors of the jail and brought them out. "Go, stand in the temple courts," he said, "and tell the people the full message of this new life."

I want to focus on v. 20 (the one in bold). As these men are leaving jail, they are given a message to go and tell! But look at the message. The message is a message of new life! The most important detail of the testimony is not "God sent an angel to free me from prison", rather it is "You can have freedom from the lies of this world through Jesus Christ!"

When we chose to repent (admit we have sin, tell God we're sorry for what we've done and begin to live our life without that sin anymore) our lives can truly be lives of freedom. We are no longer held back by the shackles that formerly held us down: lies, hurtful actions towards those around us, bitterness, envy. Some of us may feel guilty for our crimes. Some of us may feel like we haven't done anything that bad. Some of us may pretend we've never done anything that bad but have the biggest lie of our life buried inside. We may put on masks to be accepted, we may let all our sins show boldly to see if we can get the attention of someone out there. You can lie to yourself. You can lie to God, but he knows it is a lie. He knows you better than you know yourself. King David says in Psalms:

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
(Psalm 139:1-4)

Whether you tell God or not, He is listening, watching, and hurting. He is waiting on you to tell the truth. You're going to have to come to court and stand before the ultimate judge. Don't worry, none of us have a lawyer on the level of what we need in His court, so a lawyer has been appointed for us, his name is Jesus. He has a way of getting God to go easy on us, a full pardon for our sins. We can walk freely from the courtroom and "tell the full message of this new life". What's stopping you from confessing your sin? What's stopping you from making choices to save your life? Why are you living under house arrest when you could be dancing freely in the streets sharing his message of new life? The keys are right in front of you, but you have to choose to 1. pick them up (take Christ into your heart as a possession) and 2. use them (unlock the door to your past and move forward!).

the hope of blessings

2008-08-24T08:50:00.004-04:00

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had some fantastic blessings!! No, I didn't come into a great fortune or anything. I mean, just awesome little things. For example, a woman in the operating room (where I work on Wednesdays) came to me with an wonderful comment on how happy the staff are that I came to work for Dr. Habal and how much smoother things run when I work with him. I didn't really even know what to say, it was just such a blessing to know that I wasn't working "in vain", to know that I was appreciated. Another patient gave me my first Thank You card at this job, another one requested to see me before she left the office (b/c we had talked on the phone several times to help alleviate her fears). I wanted to blog about the blessings, but then I didn't, I didn't want anyone to feel I was "bragging". I do struggle with pride quite a bit and I didn't want to come across as conceited. But, it's not conceited, it's humbled. This is the one that finally got me to blog.

I met a girl with many troubles at my last job. (I know this is long, but bear with me, it's worth it). She was a patient who had seen abuse, drug addiction and diseases that were difficult to cope with. She had a boyfriend here, but not many other contacts that didn't do drugs. She and I found common ground in being "mountain girls" and having a love for pinto beans (like our mama's would make). At the time, I had a Bible Study in my house. I invited her one night that we were having beans and corn bread with our dinner. To my surprise, she came. She was anxious, afraid she wouldn't be "accepted" by the other girls, but she was. She was worried she wouldn't know enough to speak up, but her life experiences gave her plenty of ground to stand on. She bounced in and out of my life for a couple of years. Usually I would hear from her when she had done something wrong or was about to do something wrong so that she could "confess" it to someone, and still feel accepted. She never got money from me, or pity. She always got the truth and was told, many times, she needed to straighten up. I saw her at church a couple of times. Both times, she didn't make it through the service. Then, she got high one night and cheated on her boyfriend and became pregnant. She considered abortion. She had a lot of "issues". I talked with her and we discussed how having an abortion, with her history, may leave her with more ghosts in her closet. She already had enough reasons to feel bad about herself and turn to drugs, did she need one more?

I lost contact soon after. I figured I had been too blunt and burned my bridge (many of you know me and know how I can have "tone issues"). I heard she was in the care of an GYN I knew for her pregnancy and that she was getting the medical care she needed. It's been over a year since I have heard from her. Then I got a random phone call last week from a private number. I answered (I thought it was my dad) and low and behold, it was her! I thought, oh Lord, where is she now, what has she gotten into? But let me tell you about blessings. This girl pulled it together. She has been clean since before the baby was born. Yep, she had the baby, a girl, 9 months ago, the day after Robbie and I got married. She and the boyfriend are still together. They just bought some land (actually not far from here) and plan to put a house there. They are getting married. More importantly, she got saved a few months ago at a local church where she attends a Women's Bible Study weekly. The Bible she has is one that I gave her a long time ago. She has been thinking of me and feels she owes so much of where is she is now to me. I was about to interrupt her and tell her it wasn't me, when she did it for me. She said, "Well, I know it was God, but he definitely used you as a vessel." That's all she wanted, just to say, Thank You.

I was so humbled and amazed at God's greatness in that moment. I'm so glad I took the time to answer the phone, even though my dinner was getting cold. I even had tears in my eyes afterwards. That blessing gave me so much HOPE! There are so many people out there I have tried to help before and many times I have felt like there was little hope, why did I bother. They didn't change, then this sweet girl calls me. I've known her at least 3 years. Her battle was a long one before she even got to me.

I was reading a scripture in Ezekiel this morning (34:26), it says, "I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessings." The study note in my Bible says, "Blessing, the power of life promised to God's people through Abraham..." I was struck by the meaning for blessing. "The power of life" and that the power was "promised to God's people". So, of course, I had to chase it. This reference goes back to Genesis 12:1-3, another one of the covenants.

Genesis 12:1-3
1. The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country,
your people and your father's household and
go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

I found a lot of hope in these verses. I know so many people on whom I just want to give up sometimes. I see myself become more and more cynical when it comes to them, when the same blessing that has been promised to me, has been promised to them. If they don't know God, then I have been given the "power of life" (blessed) so that I can be used as a "power of life"(blessing) so that they can see the the power and in turn find a relationship with God. Shouldn't the power of life give me Hope, not skepticism? Shouldn't the hope of blessings in my own life steer me to continue to hope for blessings in the lives of those around me?

Thank you Lord for your blessings and the hope I see in my life through them. Thank you for the power of life that saved me from my sins. Thank you that you used me as your power on earth to help someone else see their hope and find their way. Thank you for your greatness. Help others to find their power, give them the strength to stand against their enemies and claim the power of life through your name in their own lives. I have hope Lord for those in my life that don't know you. I have hope they can overcome their issues and find power in your name. Praise you that you can overcome our enemies when we trust in you. Praise your holy and mighty name. Amen.

then one day he saw the door...

2008-08-11T21:05:00.008-04:00

A few thoughts are swarming (and have been for over a week). I was watching America's Got Talent again this week and my girl Emily David was back on there. She said, "I've been waiting all my life for this door to open". Sharon says, "The door is standing wide open, all is left is for you to walk right through it". A few days later, I was watching the Olympics when Cullin Jones (now an Olympic Gold Medalist) said that when he was a child, the first time he really got into the water at a water park, he had a near-drowning incident. He said he had a choice to overcome his fears and never get in the water again, or face it. He didn't want to "miss out" on anything, so he faced it. This concept of doors has been redundant in my thoughts lately. It had to be talked about.

What is keeping you from walking through your door? Has God brought you to a place that is a new realm for you? Has he taken you so deep into your heart to a place you have hidden sins or memories? Maybe you have already knocked on the door... the door is standing wide open. Why won't you walk through? Most likely the answer is fear, but what is it you fear? Fear itself? God makes a promise in Jeremiah that may be of help.

Jeremiah 33:17ff
"For this is what the LORD says: 'David will never fail to have a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel, nor will the priests, who are Levites, ever fail to have a man to stand before me continually to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings and to present sacrifices.' "

The word of the LORD came to Jeremiah: "This is what the LORD says: 'If you can break my covenant with the day and my covenant with the night, so that day and night no longer come at their appointed time, then my covenant with David my servant—and my covenant with the Levites who are priests ministering before me—can be broken and David will no longer have a descendant to reign on his throne. I will make the descendants of David my servant and the Levites who minister before me as countless as the stars of the sky and as measureless as the sand on the seashore.'"

I know this may seem like an obscure text, it was odd to me at first, too, but I felt like it went with this blog. After a few days, I realized there really is an awesome promise in the middle. In the Old Testament, God makes covenants with his people. A covenant is simply a promise, something that can be trusted to the upmost degree. God has made a promise that through the line of David (the King) there will always be a king on the throne. The ultimate person in this line being Christ. God is saying, "If you can break my covenant with day and night, then you can change the outcome of my entire plan for the world I created". That's pretty powerful. Do you think you can change his mind? I know I sure can't. There is power in the bonds made by God. Power in your relationship with him. Power in the words he has spoken. Power in the words he has spoken for you through his promises. The Bible is full of promises that are as good for the people in the old and new testament as they are for you.

If God has brought you to a door, then he has a purpose for you pertaining to it. Take that step and see what he has for you. If you fear what that door may bring, then look to his promises. If you don't know where to start, flip to the back of the bible and look for the index, search by topic and chase down what you need. There are also books of scripture called "God's Promises for...." that you can purchase at retailers. You can also pray and ask God to give you a promise/scripture to stand on. Here are a few to get you started:
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Psalm 94:14
For the LORD will not reject his people;
he will never forsake his inheritance.

Psalm 46:1-5
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

Psalm 91 (sorry, it's long, but totally worth the read)
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

annoyance

2008-08-11T19:51:00.005-04:00

So, my cat, Leo, is a crazy creature. At least, that's how I end up viewing him at some point each day. He can be very gentle and sweet and sit at my feet, cuddling up for the night. It's very peaceful when he just rests with me... but the morning is different. In the morning, sometimes, he annoys me more than anything. If the sun is up, he thinks I should be up. As much as I am a creature of habit, he is moreso! He is so used to me getting up at 6:00a.m. that if I am not up at 6, he is meowing... marching the foot of the bed... walking on my night stand... tapping the blinds with his nose or paws... trying to turn my lamp over... picking the carpet!! So, I roll out of bed and I start to get ready for work.

As if it isn't enough he got me up so early, when I get out of the shower, he sits at my feet and meows. Why? Because I have a crazy cat who actually plays FETCH! Yep, like a dog. There are little bits of paper and gum wrappers (he loves silver gum wrappers) all over my house because he likes to play. He will bring the paper and lay it next to my feet and meow and Meow and MEOW until I pick it up and throw it. If I rip a piece of paper, he will stop whatever he is doing to come to see if I am ready to play. He loves to play! It's like he lives for it. He will play for hours if I let him. As long as you throw it (and he sees you do it), he will continue to go get it and bring it back. As the day goes on, if I get into a book or a crochet project, he sits on the book or tries to get into the yarn or tries to "make bread" on the project (he likes soft things). In the evening, when he is ready to go to bed, he impatiently looks at me and meows until he settles wherever I am to rest a while. He walks around til he has my attention, then lays down for loving and petting.

I videoed him playing fetch this morning, thinking I would post it on the KimandRobbie blog for our families. Then one of those epiphanies hit this evening. I love this cat's persistence!! Don't get me wrong, it is completely annoying when he is trying to climb on the kitchen counter or lick the ice in my glass or even wake me at 6a.m.! But, I have to admire his tenacity. I wish I had that same persistent determination and abandon when it comes to my relationship with God. What if when I wake up, I wake him up and I keep praising and talking til he listens? What if I loved my time with him so much, that the minute I saw a second to spend with him, I brought my paper to his feet and begged him to play with me and just enjoyed every second I had with him? What if every night I looked for him before I went to bed so I could cuddle with him, get wrapped in his arms, be reminded I am loved and rest with that peace for the night? Thanks, Leo, I've learned a lot from you today!!

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

Psalm 92:1-2
It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name,
O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,

Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace him
whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD,
the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Isaiah 26:9
My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.

Check out Leo doing his thing from this morning:

great expectations.

2008-08-04T06:41:00.020-04:00

I don't know about your community, but here, there has been a lot of talk of "revival" and the desire for revival locally. When I was growing up in the mountains, our church held a revival at least once a year. As a child, I saw "revival" as a time where the community came out to hear a "fresh message" from a different pastor. Even people who went to other churches or people who didn't normally come to church at all would come to hear what the pastor had to say. I think the hope was that if you got the new people in, the Holy Spirit would "show up" and people would find salvation.

Now, I hardly hear of a church holding a revival. In a way, that makes sense, we should be daily seeking a new word from God for our hearts, thus reviving our fervor for God personally each day. We should be seeking out the lost sheep and bringing them to the fold ourselves each day through our actions and words. But are we? Maybe revivial, a fresh look at our spiritual life, is just what our communities need. I have been praying for community transformation for years. Moving to Greenville was an eye-opener in some ways for me. There is such a racial divide here. Why? What can heal those kinds of wounds, the ones that run deeper than we can fathom? What can reunite this place and revive God as the authority in this town and not drugs or gangs or even plain old political power? I came across this scripture in Isaiah recently and it really made me think of the place we are today. The Hebrew people have been in rebellion for quite some time and God is speaking to the people through the prophet, Isaiah:

Isaiah 58 1-12
"Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Talk about revival! In these times, "fasting" was more than praying for an answer, it was a religious ritual, something to do when everyone else did or something you did when you needed something. It's much like today when many of us make going to church on Sunday or Sunday and Wednesday ritual. We may also pray when we need something, but what do we do with the rest of our time? Sometimes, we even make our devotional time a ritual. A stale experience, not really seeking anything new, just going through the motions. What I get from this scripture is that we can not continue to have "superficial" faith and expect revival in our community or change in our own lives for that matter. You can't heal a deep wound with a bandaid, you have to get down deep a lay a foundation of suture (stiches) to pull it together from the inside out. We can't rebuild the foundations of a community without reaching into the depth of the problem and pulling it together, layer by layer, no matter how nasty it is on the inside. We have to make our words and our actions match, then "No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise." (Isaiah 60:18).

Praise you Lord for your greatness and your mercy. Praise you that you alone have this world in the palm of your hand. Thank you for your kindness, even when we are selfish and ungrateful. Help us Lord to call on your name, earnestly, passionately, wholeheartedly. Help us to have a better relationship with you. Let your glory fall on this community so our city can be guarded by Salvation and so our city gates will always usher in your praises, they will open and welcome you in. Out of our praise for you, let us open the gates to those who do not know you, welcoming them and equiping them for your service. Thank you Lord that you have heard our prayers. Let your will be done.

everyone's got talent

2008-07-28T21:24:00.004-04:00

Robbie and I DVR a lot of TV. It seems everything we like to watch comes on at the same time or at times we're preoccupied, so we DVR it and when we get time to watch, we catch up. So, here it is Monday night and I am watching America's Got Talent. And I'm bawling. Like streams of tears down both cheeks. Why? Emily David. The last singer of the LA auditions. She's a heavy set 40 yr old single mother of 3 or 4 teens. She is pleasant. She has a gap in her upper front teeth and she is morbidly obese. She has sacrificed and sacrificed and sacrificed for her kids. She says in her montage, "I sometimes wonder if I'm worth trying for this. Then I look in the mirror and say, 'Why not me?'." She is insecure, but she steps out on the stage. When she does, she WAILS (and I mean that as an absolute compliment!!). She really was an amazing singer. As the judges told her how amazing she was, she broke down in tears. It's like I could see in her face that no one had ever told her how talented she really was, that she has a "natural gifting". She was still seeking that approval of the world. I just wanted to grab her and hug her oh so tight and tell her she was worth the applause. By being a loving and devoted mother, she was already being applauded in Heaven. By being a child of God, she is already loved unconditionally, she didn't need the crowd to give her that. She has a plan and a purpose in God's kingdom.

We all have a plan and a purpose (See Jeremiah 29:11.. I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and keep you, to give you hope and a future.") But the world can beat us down. It can beat us down through the choices of other people (abuse, neglect, abandonment, physical pain) or it beat us down with choices we make ourselves like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, choosing to look to a guy to make us feel good about ourselves instead of God, choosing to walk away from God even when we see him. Does any of that matter to God? He gave us "free will", that is, the power to make choices. God is not a dictator. He doesn't demand us to come to him. But he does ask us to. We get to choose. Your choices do matter to God. He would like for us to choose him. Once we have reconciled to him, the choices are not over. We have to chose daily to seek him. We also get to choose whether we make ourselves conceited or make ourselves available. You know what I mean. We get to decide if we are going to be "better" than someone else or if we are going to look past their exterior and get to the nitty gritty. Maybe this woman never knew her potential because no one ever leaned over and said, "You know, Emily, you are a wonderful person. I think you would be wonderful in our choir. You have a natural gift for bringing praise to God." Or (I'm gonna start using some personal examples here, sorry family/friends) "Heather, you take beautiful pictures. No one could capture the perspective the way you do. You have a real gift." "Bendy, you are an awesome and abundantly loving mother/grandma, no wonder you are so great with kids in your classroom. You are great at giving encouragement. You have a real gift for serving those around you with kindness." "Sarah, you are a very talented writer and communicator. You have such a unique outlook, it would be a shame for you to leave the classroom. The kids would be missing an amazing perspective. You have a real gift of understanding kids who think they are misunderstood. I think that is why you are so good with Henry. You seek to understand his strengths and encourage them to grow and blossom."

Think of the body. A arm is not much use without a hand, and a hand is not much good without a finger but those things are just what we see on the outside. Try using a finger that doesn't have an artery to give it nourishment. It is void. Do we see the artery carrying the blood? No, not physically, but without the artery, the finger turns black and falls off. The artery would not have blood to carry to the finger without the heart and the heart would not have oxygen to push around if not for the lungs. This is redundant, but the point is, there is no person too "small". I always heard that in children's sermons, but it needs to be spoken to so many adults as well. THERE IS NO PERSON TOO SMALL! We ALL have a place and purpose. Don't forget it!! Here's some proof for you:

Romans 12:3ff
"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."

If you don't know a personal relationship with God, start one. You can start by saying a simple prayer inviting him into your life and asking him to start showing you his purpose and plan for your life. That also involves following through and following him (making choices daily to do his will and not your will). If you already know him, start to look outside yourself. Look for ways to share God's love with those around you. Watch and see the giftings of each person around you and ENCOURAGE them to use their gifts. They may not even realize they are good at something until you point it out. Someone did this to me once and it caught me off guard, I was like, "really?" It was a true revelation. I had to take it captive and pray about it. It's one of the reasons this blog got started in the first place. (My sister is the writer, not me.) Use your gifts to make it all work. We all have a function. Every piece is integral. Seek him, know him, work as one with him. That is a life worth striving for.

wasted blessings

2008-07-26T06:38:00.011-04:00

Ever since I kind of "restored" my relationship with God, I have had to remind myself that prayer is one of the strongest tools we can use as Christians. I forget all the time to pray. I hate to say that I even forget when someone asks me to pray for specific things. But as soon as I remember, I say a quick one. I wish I was more dilligent sometimes, like a true "intercessor", but I haven't worked my way up to that yet. Nonetheless, the Bible says that prayer avails much. That our prayers are heard. God answers them accordingly to his will. At one point in my life, I had almost daily low back pain related to scoliosis and a spinal birth defect I had when I was born. I wore a lift in my shoe to help keep my hips in balance and keep the pain at bay. The pain could get a lot worse some days, especially in the summer when all I wanted to wear was a flip flop or Birkenstocks that you couldn't get a lift in (without flinging it at someone as you walked). I wore that lift for over 20 years. A few years ago, I let a group of people at church pray over me that that pain would go away. It went away. 100%. I took the lift out of my shoe and it hasn't been back in there. Now, if I do something stupid (like try to lift a box of books) then I get what I deserve, but it's not the chronic pain I had before.

Recently, I was having pain from heel spurs and plantar fasciitis in my feet. Now that is some very painful stuff! If you have ever had them, you know what I'm talking about. The pain is progressive. The may hurt at first just in the morning, then just after you've been on them all day and taken a seat then decided to fix dinner. Then one day, it may be all the time. One way to help ease the pain when it gets to this point is to wear an Orthotic. That is, a mold for your foot/arches that you wear in your shoes. I would cry just thinking about it. I didn't want to put anything else back in my shoe. I know it sounds selfish and vain. But, God had set me free from the "chain" of that lift and I did not want to go back. I knew that if I could lose even 20 lbs and get the weight off of them that would just fix it. I could fix it. But every time I tried to exercise, I could hardly walk because of the pain with each step and there was no way to keep a true cardiac pace. I put up with the pain for a few months, getting worse and worse, then one day, at Bible study, I finally swallowed my pride and asked the ladies if they would pray for me. It was hard to believe that as I sat there, these women came and blessed me with their prayers. A few of them even had hands on my sweaty feet. I did not feel worthy of any of it. I did not feel worthy of healing. I knew I had been prideful, trying to fix the problem myself. I wasn't sure if prayer was going to work this time. Then the thought popped into my mind, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" I kept praying, please Lord, help me to heal these feet, I'll try to take better care of myself and lose some weight, etc. You know how we do. Why hadn't I just simply asked, "Lord, please heal my feet". Why did I have a "me" qualifier? So,after letting them pray, by the time I got home from Bible study, I felt like I could leap mountains and have no pain. I jumped up and down, nothing. Pressed on the former tender spots over the spurs, nothing! The next day, I pushed my limits, still, nothing!! God is so gracious and amazing ALL the time.

A few weeks have gone by and the thought struck me this week, "What are you doing with the blessing I gave you?" Now that is conviction. I knew immmediately what the referrence was to. I had gone for 1-2 walks since my healing. I had updated the Bible study ladies that their prayers were useful and I had spoken about it with one patient at work (who also had heel spurs). But, what am I doing with the blessing? Am I just holding it in? Maybe it means I'm supposed to share my testimony with more people (well, here's the blog) or maybe I'm supposed to invest the gifts God gives me in a better way. If I take the gift he gives me and bury it inside, who benefits from it? I'm sure I do. But how does it help the world? I believe that the purpose of God's will is to glorify himself. If I stock up my healing as a secret inside me, it is only me who glorifies God. But, if I share my testimony with others, say my mom for instance, she may glorify God for healing her litle girl from all that pain. She may be willing to ask for healing herself or be more open to praying for "impossible" things. If I share it with others who are hurting, they may reach out for God and ask him to heal them as well, or if they don't know him to start with, they might ask for a relationship with them so they can know someone so "glorious".

Once you have been given a gift from God, you should USE IT!! Water it, nurture it, grow it!! When you give someone a gift, doesn't it make you feel better to see them putting it to good use? He gave it to him so you could use it to gloriy him. What are you doing with the gift he gave you? Are you sitting on your butt writing blogs (like I am) or are you out there treating your body more like a temple and trying to get it back into shape? Are you giving love and kindness to the ones he blessed you with as family/friends or are you disrespecting them and causing them pain (to get attention or otherwise). Are you keeping your gifts a secret?

Lord, please help me to put the gifts you give me to good use. You have gifted me with a loving family, please let me respect and honor them. You have gifted me with a strong support group of friends/fellowship, help me remember to support and encourage them. You have gifted me with a wonderful, loving husband, help me to not take him for granted. Help me to support him and be the helpmate you planned for me to be. You have gifted me with emotional healing and unfailing love, worth and value, you gave me a purpose. Help me to never forget how far you have brought me and that you will always have a plan for me, that I matter in your kingdom. You have gifted me with physical healing, many times, times I did not even ask you to help, before I had enough faith to ask. Help me to do your will with this gift. Show me how to use it to glorify you. Give me the tools I need to take my next step in your will. Praise you for your goodness and greatness! How marvelous are your works!

asleep at the wheel

2008-07-19T10:02:00.012-04:00

A continuation of "whatever it takes..." is where I was headed with this blog. The more I contemplated it, the more praying for God's will became more apparent. This scripture has been on my mind for days:

Mark 14:-38

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, "every thing is possbile for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but your will be done." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Even Christ prayed for God's will. "Not what I will, but your will be done." What a powerful affirmation that Christ was, indeed, human and that he asked for God's will. He is asking to not have to die. He is asking for a different ending to his life. If God had stepped in to save his own son from this humiliating death, then there would be no crucifixion, no resurrection. No redemption of sin. No power of life over death. Our lives would be eternally different. Where would our hope lie? Would there be any hope?

The second interesting point in this scripture is the second bolded line. "Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Let's back it up a minute. Jesus is praying in a garden the night he is arrested and taken to the so-called trial that leads to his crucifixion. He has prayed for the will of God to be done. He knows the steps and what will happen because he is also God. He could run, he could attempt to "change his destiny" but he doesn't. He asks his disciples to "keep watch". But what are they watching for? Kidnappers? murderers? flowers to bloom? the sun to rise? For real, they are watching for Judas and the guards. Jesus knows the will of God is that he be arrested and stand trial. It is God's will. Jesus asks his disciples to sit and watch for God's will to come. Then he comes and finds them sleeping, awakens them, and tells them to watch and pray. They still fall asleep. Could they not watch and pray for God's will for one hour? Watch and pray so they will not fall into temptation? Their spirits were willing, they have professed their love and devotion to Christ at the last supper. But their flesh is weak. They are weary with watching and have decided to give it a rest.

The temptation is to make God's will our own. To take things into our own hands. To try and rationalize everything when all we are told to do is "watch and pray". This is faith. This is discernment. To ask for God's will to be done and expect it. To watch for it, hopefully and expectantly. To pray for it faithfully. Can we not wait for "one hour" for God's will to be done? Why is our flesh so weak we can not wait even a short time for the answers he has to our prayers. Lord, give us the strength in our flesh to meet the strength of our spirit. GIve us the strength we need for our feet to follow the steps you lay out for us in our private moments with you, when our spirit is so willing. Keep us seeking you always, never slumbering in our own will. Amen.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:26).

whatever it takes...

2008-07-17T17:52:00.005-04:00

Have you ever felt so passionate about someone or something that you have prayed this prayer, "Please, Lord, whatever it takes...". You might have said it about something you want. "Please, Lord, whatever it takes, let me get into this program." Something you need: "Please, Lord, whatever it takes, help me to get the money for the rent." Someone you love: "Please, Lord, whatever it takes, help them to know you, love you, follow you."

I was having a discussion with Robbie's grandma this week while we were waiting for his Dad to finish all his surgery stuff. In the midst of the conversation, we both realized we had said that same prayer for our families at some point. Please, Lord, whatever it takes. But she added something I've not added to it. She said, "Please, Lord, whatever it takes for ______________to be in your will, let it be done." Since Henry, my nephew, was born with special needs, I have had a lot of problems praying for God's will. I have questioned why bad things happen to good people. I have questioned why Henry? I have questioned why our family? I have questioned God's will. I will probably never fully understand it, but I surely should have just trusted it. Isn't that faith? To trust when we can't even understand? To call out to God, knowing he will never leave us, he will always hear our prayer? Do we really have to have an immediate answer? What if his will takes years to work out? Would you rather have something in the "now" or something that will change your life forever?

God is truly infinite. He truly has a purpose and a plan for all of our lives. Maybe where we go wrong is trying to figure out the end of the story ourselves. Instead, why not live each day seeking God's word and attempting to stay in line with it, loving those around us, reaching out to help anyone in need (despite race, culture or socioeconomic status). Leave the rest to his will.

With that being said, a close friend of mine is leaving town next week, going to another town to pursue God's purpose for her life. I know that God is going to bless her richly. Here's my prayer for her: Dear Lord, please bless my friend Heather as she prepares and takes a leap of faith. Prepare her heart and her mind. Lord, whatever it takes for Heather to be in your will, let it be done. Help her to discern each step you would have her to take as she envelops herself in you. Hem her in from behind and ahead. Protect her in every endeavor. Bless her with a life filled with love, friends and a spiritual family. Please also bless her with abundance!! Thank you for the friend that she is. Thank you for the love that she has to share with all those around her. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. Amen.

Best Wishes, Heather!! I love you!!

cardboard testimonies

2008-07-08T20:06:00.003-04:00

Hey y'all... right after I posted the last post, I went to my friend's myspace and she had this YouTube video posted that very cool. It goes hand in hand with what I was just talking about. We could all carry our own personal cardboard placard. We are no better than the next guy. Check it out!!

investment profiles

2008-07-07T23:45:00.000-04:00

We watched an interesting movie on our Indepence Day. "Hancock" with Will Smith and Jason Bateman. I've been waiting to blog so maybe I won't spoil the movie for people. In this movie, Hancock is a man with super hero powers. As a hero, he has LOADS of potential, but as a man, he doesn't see it. He is gifted beyond human reasoning, but he sees himself as a rotten individual, worthless. He sees himself as a piece of dirt, unworthy of his "calling". A public relations guru, Jason Bateman, is rescued from peril by the talents of Hancock. In return, he helps Hancock to restore his image, at first with "the people" then with himself. With some personal investment (of time, love, resources, kindness) one man helps another change his outlook. He sees his gifts as a purpose, no longer an obligation.

So many people out there are hurting and confused. They see themselves as dirt, dirty, or worthless. They have self-perceived notions of themselves. Some even grounded in lies, others in truth. Many of them don't even see the need to be alive. But God does. We all have a plan and a purpose. A lot of the time, we, as Christians, are the schmucks. We turn our back on people because they are dirty or we know they have a past. Why do we do that? I've done it. Why? Are we afraid of getting hurt? Are we afraid we'll be let down? What is it to US anyway?? Why does it matter what we think!! It only matters what God thinks, so why do we judge? Weren't we once lost in our own sins? How were we any better than them? Just reaching out, being kind, sharing a meal or telling someone, "You're worthwhile" can change their entire life outlook, especially when done consistently.

God reached out for you when you were lost. He loved you, was kind to you, asked you to seek him and follow his ways. The great commission (our "call" or purpose in our walk with God) in Matthew 28:19-20 says, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." It is our duty, as God's chosen, the chosen of Love, to share his love with those around us. This is our act of evangelism and fulfilling his Great Commission: Simple service. A helping hand. A hug. A listening ear. A voice of reason. A word of kindness. A word of hope. A word of love. An offer of salvation. A chance for freedom. A leap of faith. A life changed for eternity. A new world of possibilities. A world of purpose.

the chase

2008-07-03T02:00:00.000-04:00

I was on the way to work Tuesday morning, early, trying to get more work done as usual. Our office has 2 sides of woods surrounding it. I saw on the sidewalk a small hound dog, like a beagle, with his nose to the ground (ie, he was huntin' somethin').... behind the dog, about 2 feet back, is what I believe to be a sleek gray cat. It's just a cute little picture... the dog hunting something intently, the cat seeming to be sneaking behind the dog, ready to get in on his action.... then, just as I pull it into the actual parking lot, the dog reaches the end of the sidewalk and takes a step onto the road... the cat makes a sharp turn to the left and then darts into the woods. It's at the turn that I realize, that is NOT a cat! What is it?? A silver fox!! Talk about a sly devil!! So, why am I blogging about a fox? Because this picture has been vivid in my mind for days and I've been trying to see what God is trying to tell me. Then tonight at Bible study, one of the girls says, "No matter where you go Satan's not too far behind." That was it, I knew what he was saying.

Even when we are our most "disciplined"... studying our Bible daily, seeking God, even when we feel like we are truly following God...the devil is right behind us... watching us,playing with us and maybe even laughing at us. When we're focused (nose to the ground) on something, it's easy to miss the things coming at us from behind. Peter says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." (1Peter 5:8) How can we be alert to what's behind us? A couple of thoughts come to mind. You can employ fellowship. Friends born out of love can "have your back" so to speak. They can tell you, out of that love they share with you, what they see coming or an area where you may need to dodge. Other than that, you can pray, and I don't mean that as a side note. A pastor said one time, "Prayer is the work". No matter how hard you feel you are seeking God, don't forget to pray. It can be instrumental in knowing what may be sneaking up behind you, coming around the next corner or seeing an indication of the next boobie trap ahead.

Whatever floats your FLOAT!

2008-06-22T20:31:00.000-04:00

So I went to the mountains this weekend to visit my parents and celebrate my nephew's first birthday!! (Yippee Henry!!). But, in the process, Heather, Robbie, my mom and I decide to go "tubing". For those of you who aren't from the mountains, this means that we were riding intertubes (like from tractor tires) down the river. The water levels are still down, so we couldn't go too far without getting stuck. We would have to dismount our floats and walk back upstream to deeper water to go down again. The water was quite chilly, but it was actually a very nice day to be floating. I've been around this river almost all my life, and I know there are some deep places and some places that over the years have just been "scarry" to me, so I don't tread in these areas. For instance, the other three trudged several yards farther than me upstream because I am, literally, afraid to go any farther, even though I see them and they are obviously head above water.

My mom had surgery on her ankles a few years ago and that was causing her to have trouble this dismount and resume mess. She doesn't have much strength in her legs due to all the atrophy after the surgery. What made it interesting was that Heather and I decided to tug her in her tube back upstream so that she could come back down with us. Otherwise, she would have had to have stopped "playing" with us. While we were pulling her, we were joking around and I said, "Whatever floats your float." We all just laughed. But, it got me to thinking. Pulling mom was no big deal. It was really no burden at all. The deeper the water got, the easier it got. And, believe it or not, I walked all the way to where they were before (the scarry place) to come back down again. I wasn't so afraid when I was pulling someone else.

It's the same with our fellowship and girlfriends. If you venture out alone in the river, you may find a place where you just don't want to go any farther because you are afraid of what lies ahead. But, when you are connected to those around you, they can help pull you through and even make the times when you are in "deep trouble" easier. In the process of helping each other, you'll learn more about yourself than you've ever known and go to places you never thought you'd reach because you're not scared anymore. They are there with you. (In a much deeper metaphor, this could be applied to the Trinity, but that's another depth for another day). Hope next time I'm in a float, I have my friends and family to help me along!!

wounded, anyone?

2008-06-15T16:41:00.000-04:00

Robbie and I went to church this morning. We wanted to try out a new contemporary service at a more traditional church in our town. By a series of events, we got there late, which meant we actually missed the "contemporary" worship that I had really wanted to hear. But, I told myself, if Robbie got up and came with me, what did I have to complain about. We were in church, before 9a.m., together. So, the service proceeds with a fill-in pastor. (The normal pastor had a family emergency). The sermon is from the story of Peter's reinstatement as an apostle/disciple. It's a decent sermon, but it's not the subject of this blog. The subject at hand is a side comment he made about, "Peter, the head of the church, wounding a soldier". The thoughts started reeling and that brings me here to get them out of my mind and out there for the blog.

The text in question is Luke 22: 47-51

While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called
Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, but
Jesus asked him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a
kiss?" When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen, they said,
"Lord, should we strike with our swords?" And one of them struck the servant of
the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, "No more of
this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him.

Here we have Jesus, the human form of God. Peter, a disciple, soon to be trusted teacher and head of the early "church". A guardsman, a non-believer, a Roman soldier. So, Peter, the "trusted teacher" injures the guardsman when he comes to arrest Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. How does he injure him, he cuts off his ear? His ear? Seriously, not an arm or a leg or a stab through the gut or chest, but he cuts off an ear. God has an interesting sense of humor. Even this one made me grin because EVERYTHING, even the small detail or ear vs. arm is important. Why? Because you can follow Christ/God with no legs, no arms, no fingers or toes. None of us can physically see him, so we'd all be in the same boat if we had no eyes, but how can you follow if you can't hear the directions???

Have you ever seen a time in your own life (or been witness to a time) when a trusted leader or confidant injured a non-believer or even a new Christian. They may have been judgemental or hurtful or prideful towards someone. Made the other person seem "small" or insignificant, unworthy of fellowship. It even happens with "seasoned" Christians. Someone insults us without even realizing it. They come across as "high and mighty" (in the mountains they call this "Holier than thou") and this makes us feel guilty or not good enough. What they did not realize was that these injuries cut off the ears of the people they hurt. If they were truly trying to share the love expressed in God's word, the bible, then they sure made the words hard to hear. How can these people grow their faith or develop a relationship with God when they can't hear the words being spoken to them. They can read their word, but they can not hear guidance because they have been rendered spiritually deaf. The harsh words or criticisms have taken the means of amplification from the ear canal. Even if God's word reaches them, it is a dull ringing compared to the hurt of having their ear cut off which is likely loud and clear! It creates a serious stumbling stone. But, notice in the story that it does not end with Peter cutting the guard's ear off. Praise God, it goes on to say that Jesus saw the insult and healed the wound. He touched the man's ear and healed him. That man, I'm sure, never looked at Jesus the same way again. No longer in his eyes was he an impostor, but rather he was the Healer. The King of Kings. I AM.

If you are out there today and you have been maimed in a "religious" experience (something said or done in the name of God or by someone representing God), please know that God loves you and desires a relationship with YOU, just as you are. Just as he told Peter and the disciples in the Garden, "There will be no more of this." Ask him to heal you and help you to hear. He will help you to overcome that injury and become whole again and find your way to him. For the rest of us, we need to be mindful of the spiritually deaf, as well as mindful of any deafness or other maimings that we may produce. And here we are again, back to choices....

you MADE me do it...

2008-06-14T16:16:00.000-04:00

So, once again, I have another song lyric analogy. While I was scrubbing our bathroom as if my life depended on it today (my in-laws are coming over for dinner tomorrow), I was listening to a music channel. So, here it is, Mylie Cyrus.... 7 Things I Hate About You. The line in question? "And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do, You make me love you...". Interesting.... There are many of us out here running around, hurt, because we believe, deep deep down, that someone made us hurt, made us get in trouble, made us have a bad day. Did they really? seriously? You know what they really did? They (whomever you are blaming) made a bad choice. And what did you do about it? You made your choice to blame them. There are a LOT of choices to be made in life. But the nitty gritty of it is not only the choices you make, but how you handle the choices that others make as they intertwine in your life. Maybe it's time to open a new door and see the other side. I'm sure there's more to say, but it's been a long day and that's all I got for now.

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

2008-06-10T17:14:00.000-04:00

Love. Complicated? You bet. It took me almost 30 years to figure out what love is and even now it is easily confused with other things. Watching TV/movies and listening to the radio, it's no wonder it only gets more confusing daily. We don't have good "examples" of love at home or in the media. We look for love in "all the wrong places". We hope that by having sex with someone we will hold on to their love. Have you heard the song that says, "I kissed a girl and I liked it..."? What a mess. God created love and his love is so much more than that. I took time to really do an indepth Bible search of love one time. I was surprised at what I found out. Love was totally not an emotion. It was, however, an action, a couple of them actually. Want to know what they were? Here you go: Forgiveness and Obedience. When God forgave me all my sins, it was his complete and total act of unconditional love for me. When I give all of myself to my Father (heavenly father/God) in obedience to his will/ways, then I gain knowledge of what love is and it spills over into my daily life. I can't stop it, it just does because I'm so full of that joy. The books of 1-3 John really lay that out well if you wanna read if it for yourself.

There is a song on the radio now (secular, you really can find God at work everywhere), that almost captivates me every time I hear it. I must be a song inspired by God and not just by lust. It very much reminds me of where I once was and how much I've grown. I have never been a "perfect" Christian and I know I never will be. I walked around for YEARS holding other people at arms length because I was afraid of getting hurt. I think I must have missed out on the real love and friendship of so many wonderful people. God came into my heart. He opened the parts that I had been holding shut. He showed me what love is and where to find it. He set my heart free to love. I don't know if Leona meant for her song to read/sound like a testimony, but it does. Here are the lyrics to this song:

Leona Lewis, "Keep Bleeding Love"
Closed off from love I didn't need the pain,
Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain,
Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen.
But something happened For the very first time with you ,
My heart melted into the ground Found something true
And everyone's looking round Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal Is to keep me from falling
But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing, You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open

And it's draining all of me, Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars For everyone to see
I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing, You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love

that is SO not hot!

2008-06-04T06:56:00.000-04:00

My husband and I are 30... and man do we feel old sometimes. We recently went out to Ham's here in town on a Friday night to catch up with some old friends. It was 9:30 p.m. when we got there. Not all that late. We are there no more than 30 minutes before we are subjected to watching two girls dancing seductively together and, yep, you guessed it, kissing! KISSING! There was no band. There was alcohol (it's Ham's). There was no dancefloor! We were sitting outside at picnic tables and there they were between 2 tables. (And they were doing this while glancing over at any man who would make eye contact with them.)

Interestingly enough, everyone in my group was married... and we never had to do anything like that to find a husband. So, why did these 2 girls feel they needed to go to such lengths? I felt disgusted. I felt old/out of the loop, but then I also felt miserable for these girls. Why? I kept asking myself. What happened to make them think that is a normal way to get a guy? Are they trying to make someone else hot? are they trying to make each other hot? I mean, what's the deal? Then, I was browsing TV while googling (a multitasker) on Saturday and came across a thing on VH1 or MTV talking about the 100 hottest people. Two different shows. One on the hottest people of the 90's and the other was Maxim's Top 100 hottest something. BOTH of these programs made blatent commments.... 2 women kissing is sexy. Lesbian overtones are sexy....blah blah blah.

I'm just here to say that I am (albeit overweight) a happy, successful and MARRIED woman who NEVER had to attract a man through these acts. That is not even how God created us to be. If you want to feel wanted and appreciated, you have to learn who you are through God's eyes. What you are looking for is LOVE, NOT LUST and you will come up empty handed and unsatisfied. (In case you haven't already learned this, sex is not intimacy and it is definitely not relationship. And, contrary to popular belief, you can live without sex). The Bible is full of countless encouragements that we are LOVED, wanted, accepted children of God. We are part of a family. We are part of a loving relationship with a man, with God. He can show us what love is, so maybe we can emulate that here on earth.

For all you single ladies out there, don't worry about finding a husband. There is a plan and purpose for that and God will drop it flat in your lap. I wasn't looking for Robbie. I didn't disrespect myself when we met/dated. I was a strong woman, focused on God. This attracted him to me. I didn't wear clothing that revealed my butt cheeks or my milk shake :) I didn't have a filthy mouth. We talked about grown up issues, family, school, career ideas and ventures. We came to love each other and here we are! Here is an encouraging word:

Luke 12: 22-31
Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

I'll let you apply this one to your life on your own, but let me say this. If God cares enough to sustain you (food, clothing, shelter) then he cares enough to provide a suitable mate for you. You are WORTH something to him, and he is Love so you could feel WORTHY of love. No matter where you've been, what you've done, what you have plans to do tonight. Establish a relationship with God, ask him to forgive your past and show you how to proceed with your future.

come and listen...

2008-06-03T16:03:00.000-04:00

People make God out to be so "high and mighty". Yes, he is an infinite omniscient, omnipotent being, but he really longs to be part of us, just one of the crowd in a way. That's why he is a 3-fold personality. He is GOD. He is the Holy Spirit (the guide that lives within us). He is Christ. He sent a part of himself to us as Jesus Christ, fully man and fully God. It was his way of showing us we could be human and live for God at the same time. Jesus was an ordinary man, a carpenter. He lived, he breathed, he bled. He wasn't the CEO of a large corporation, the Chief of State, the President or a King of a large country.He wasn't above the reproach of the law and didn't evade his taxes. He was a working guy. Trying to make it, just like the rest of us, setting an example of how God wanted us to carry ourselves and present ourselves. So, what then, does he want with us? RELATIONSHIP! He wants to be included, give advice, listen, hang out, sing with you in the car (good or bad), hug you close in bad times and rejoice with you in good times. But in order to get intimate with God, you have to know who he is and what he is all about. The Bible lays that out for us and I could talk all day on that subject alone, but I feel that this is the scripture for today and it says more than enough. We all have to start somewhere....

Isaiah 55
1 Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you...

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

God created you for a purpose... he did not create you in vain. Seek a relationship with him and he will begin to show you where to go. No matter where you have been... good, bad, or ugly, he can and will use you in his kingdom.

do unto others

2008-06-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the first blog of a new blog spot. I've been a blogger for a while with my personal site for keeping my family posted on us, but I've had an epiphany and I want to see what comes of it. What brought on the epiphany? "The Whole Ten Yards". If you've never seen it, I totally recommend both The Whole Nine Yards and The Whole Ten Yards watched in succession. Sure, there is some language and some nudity, but it's still funny.

Bruce Willis' character is so funny in the second one. He's a contract killer who is having a mid-life crisis. He somehow has always had a warped sense of "morality". In the process, he tells another character, "Oz, do unto others or you'll turn into a pillar of salt!" Now, at this, I'm laughing inside and out, LOUDLY! But then it got me thinking. There are so many people out there who are searching, who want to know but don't know what they are looking for. Who think that if you don't do unto others, you'll turn into a pillar of salt because they don't know the love of a savior.

What has kept them from this love? Is it generational? Parents and/or grandparents who were isolated from God by religious tradition and personal piety, hypocrisy? Is it rebellion? Choosing to do as they please. Is it pride or self-worship? "I can make it on my own, there is no God." Is is tolerance? Everything is "okay" or can be "justified", why do we need God? Is it pure ignorance? They've truly never heard the Word of God and had no way of knowing what is out there.

So, I've decided to blog. What in the world can come of a blog? Well, Lord only knows. I hope that I can be used to write interesting blogs that illuminate some Truth. Am I perfect, heck no! Am I a minister? Heck no!! But, I am a member of the kingdom of God and since I have been saved by grace, I owe God, big time. So, here goes.

Father, I trust you that your word will not return to you void/empty. You will use these words as you desire, to fulfill your purpose. Thank you for an opportunity to share your love with others. Amen (so be it).